Rhapsody in Black

2005-07-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

2004-11-29T14:59:00.000-08:00

After much contemplation I decided to make a more mature, blog. If you would like to have the unlisted address just leave a comment and your email address. I will still update this blog, but leave it at a minimal update.
On Second thought, I don't think I will update this site anymore. There is nothing I need to share here. Everything will be moved to the new site. In case you still haven't received the address and want it, feel free to leave a message.

2004-11-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

The sun is shining today, it is nice. I have a craving for Chai tea, yummah!
~Stephanie and I have decided to start going to walks. I am getting fat. No really...I can feel it. So her and I are taking action before it is too late.
~My weekend was awesome. I hung out with the girls. We went to Montana's...(reason #1 for my exercising desire) and we came home and watched Elf. That is a super funny movie.
~I got a new cd (carrie you HAVE to get this one) Starfield...ummm I can't think of the album name, but it is all worship music. It is great.
~I am picking up a keyboard today (JD, please kick me...you know how we were going to do that music thing...I could have just used my church keyboard. *le sigh* Anyways, I still feel like making that compilation, it will be a nice tribute).
~still have that craving for chai tea...gotta get to work soon.....

2004-11-26T06:58:00.000-08:00

Busy
It seems I am too busy to blog. That is the general consensus anyways. I will blog soon (meaning: Monday maybe...). I have lots to blog about, I think. I sit down at my computer and draw a blank, which usually happens when I have lots to say. Anyways, I have stuff to do. Tons of stuff before I head into the coffee shop.

2004-11-21T22:52:00.000-08:00

Heading Out Again
Tomorrow night I am head back to Toronto for another fun filled night with my worship team members (Stephie, Isaac, and Taylor). I am excited, very excited. On Friday we had a blast even though I had to go to a sushi bar (gross). I sat in the back seat of a camaro squished inbetween Stephie and Derek (the youth pastor). I was sitting on the hump, not a seat, a hump. Every time we went over a bump I not only felt in in my butt, but my head hit the roof (which had a stratigically placed light fixture on it). Needless to say, I was sore on Saturday. This time it is the four of us so I will get my own seat.
I have been really busy lately. I thought that once I was out of school I'd have a bit more time for myself. No such luck. I ended up editing a religion report for my sister for the past couple of days. This is a heavy project and she wants to do her best (so she gives her paper to me, that's right folks...here Erica, do my best ok). I had fun, helping her. She is my no means an English student. Her spelling is horrid. I am in my glory, yes, utter bliss. My sister is better at music and other things. She wants to be a pilot, what are pilots good at? She asked me to totally write a section of her project. It asks the student to rewrite the story of the Road to Emmaus, but in a modern day setting. I made the two diciples John and Sam, they are walking in Greenwich Village to their apartments. Some man in a white tuxedo comes up and talks to them, shares scripture with them and speaks into their lives considering the events that had recently taken place in New York. The two men invite Mr. White Tuxedo to Starbucks for Iced Mocha Frappaccinos. They laugh and share some more and turn to the man and he is gone. Their hearts burned within them. It was a fun retelling of the story. I have never done that before. I hope it is sufficient. How would you retell the story in modern day?
I have to be up in a few short hours. My day starts early, and will be ending rather late. I need some shut eye.
I just want to end with one thought. God is good, even when we don't think he is there, there is always something to remind us of his faithfulness. Even if it is the sun rising in the morning, a brand new day. Even if it is a gentle rain, replenishing the ground. He is always present, our constant help in times of trouble.

2004-11-18T16:21:00.000-08:00

Yeah I haven't blogged all week, can ya tell? Hmmm what should I blog about today? Nothing interesting comes to mind. If you have any suggestions let me know. *le sigh* Oh wait, I tried something interesting today. I tried to touch my toes today. When I was little I could just bend down and reach my toes easily (due to freakishly long arms). Today I tried and failed. I am aging miserably. The whole aging thing made me crave potato salad so I went to Zehrs this evening and waited in line for 10 minutes. Saw the cute Zehrs lady that comes to my shop for coffee. Ended up not buying salad, but a huge box full of "home made" oatmeal cookies.
I am going to TO tomorrow. Yippee Yippe woot woot (shut up, you are just jealous that you didn't say that yourself). I am looking forward to it. Fun times with Steph, Isaak, Taylor and I. The agenda hasn't been given to me, but I will be sure to inform you of what happens. Whenever I think of TO I remember that I had this girl Mel convinced for a whole year that there is this group/cult called the Mole People, and they live underground (like not in the subways) and they have their own government and stuff like that. She was completely convinced. I almost convinced myself, however I do remember hearing about people who live underground? ...ok, I had better stop that. Insanity is the next phase.
I've been eating a lot lately. This is completely out of character for me. The crappy thing is, when I decided I wanted to get better, I also decided that carbohydrates taste good. This is not good, not good at all. I need to go for a jog. Maybe I will jog to Toronto tomorrow night. I need the exercise.
Anyways, Carrie, there is your blog. I have been up to my elbows in coffee and delicious cookies for the past week. Enjoying it, of course. But busy and tired. Oh, something weird. I try to amuse myself at work, talk and joke around with the Zehrs workers and you know...Just be crazy. Anyways there is this cute Zehrs lady that I am friends with. I don't know her name, she doesn't know mine. We are going to play the name guessing game tomorrow. What names do you think she'll come up with for me, dude? I know, what a stupid game, but please...I have to keep myself entertained.
Oh, here is fun stuff...boring I know.

1.Where did you get the name Rhapsody in Black and Faerie Queen? Rhapsody in black was a creation of music and photography. I am a very black or white person, not to an annoying degree though. And I also love black and white photography. Music and photography are two of my favourite loves. The Faerie Queene is one of my favourite works by Edmund Spenser.
2. Do you have photo gallery on your site? Yes, I store my photos at photobucket.com, they can been viewed at a link on this page.
3. Where did the little photo of you come from that is on this site? It came from a computer that was in my room, under my desk. I was sitting there and took a picture.
4. What blogging app runs Rhapsody in Black? Blogger
5. Can I link to your blog? absolutely, but if I don't know you, let me know where your site is, so I can do likewise.
6. How do I make my own blog? check out blogger.com (three easy steps !!!)
7. How old are you? I can't say. I am in my almost mid twenties.
8. Single? Married? Divorced? unmarried, but taken.
9. Gay? Straight? Bi? straight
10. Mac or Windows? I use windows, but I prefer Mac
11. Vegetarian? yes, I try (cheese and ice cream get me suckered in though)
12. What do you do for work? I work in the food industry. Actually a cute coffee shop, kind of like my beloved Starbucks. I am on a leave of absence from school so I work, work, work :P
13. Where are you from? 15 minutes out of Hamilton (soon to be no where near Hamilton :0) )
14. What are your hobbies? traveling most definitely, and music: a hobbie or passion I suppose
15. What is your religious affiliation? I was raised Christian
16. What is your favourite music? classical
17. What are your Favourite Films? The Hours, Angels in America, Beauty and the Beast, American Beauty
18. Have you ever grown a beard? I can't say that I have, nope.
19. Why do you like Meryl Streep? Honestly? She is one of the only actresses that I know of who can master any accent and do it well. She is extremely gifted and I just love her. She is pretty too.
20. Do you speak Portuguese? No, but I did take lessosn every bloody day for a whole semester and I lived in Portugal, seeped in the culture. Well...maybe I speak a bit

2004-11-15T22:44:00.000-08:00

If I Were The "It" Dude
I think I would consider myself a believer in capitalism. I say this in terms of cows. Lets say I have two cows. I sell one and buy a bull. Think of all the possibilities. Bliss I tell you, bliss. I don't think I could go wrong, unless either of the two were infertile, or prefered cows of the same sex. In that case I might become communist and have my neighbours help me kill the bull and share the meat around. They could also help me milk the cow, we would share the milk, of course. Its a really good thing I am not full fledged femininst. Other wise my two cows would marry each other and...well...possibly become bra burners and go on man hating hunts. This reminds me of my Susan B. Anthony and Simone de Beauvoir studying days. I feel like reading some Marx now, might give me some ideas if my capitalistic approach goes belly up and I take to communism.

2004-11-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

What Was I Thinking?
I had a lazy day. Today I spent the day in my pyjammas and cleaned, actually gutted out my room. I put my hair up in a greasy ponytail and sprayed some gross La Senza perfume on so that I wouldn't offend the others. My mascara from the night before decided to place itself just slightly under my eyes (dumb move, I decided to wear waterproof mascara the day before because I knew I'd be bawling my eyes out- counldn't scrub it off my face last night). I looked beat up. Some of my mother's friends decided to show up at the house today. As I walk downstairs in a tank top and pj bottoms I am greated with a funny look and friendly hello from one of my mother's closest friends. That poor woman. Honestly I feel bad for her. She may need therapy after seeing me in this condition.
My room has been gutted. Every note, every letter recieved before 2001 has been trashed. Every picture has been sealed in a photo album. Every memory stashed in a new organized place. My closet is now considered a walk in closet rather than an open and run quickly away closet. If you have ever been in my room you will know it is a total reflection of me. It reveals my soul and everything I live for. All of my framed pictures have been neatly rearranged and my library alphabeticalized. I feel like I don't even know myself anymore.
I went back to work last night to pick up my last pay cheque and hand in my swipe card. I sat and talked to a few of my closest work friends for a bit. It was one of the hardest things having to say good bye. This one ladt in particular I have gotten to know quite well. We would go on power walks during our lunch breaks. She called me her daughter; she only had a son. She cried when I left, I tried to hold in my tears, just so that I could be strong. My eyes just filled, but it didn't spill over. I hugged her and she wouldn't let go, she kissed my forehead, held my arm, kissed my cheek and then my hand. I wondered what was going through her mind, I have never seen her like that before. I touched her nose and told her I loved her. I went on to say good bye to Mel, my beloved work twin. The poor girl is so spastic, we get along so well. I even convinced her to hug me. Not that I am creepy or anything, she just never hugs anyone. I will most definitely be seeing her often. Saying good bye to Dee was almost the hardest thing. In that moment, all the tears I had been holding back suddenly spilled, I felt choked and I shook. I thought of moments I spent talking to Shar, and hearing what she had been through. I tried to catch my breath but the emotion overtook me. I put my head in my hands and wept. Reality had finally set in and my heart bled. I had to grip my thumb with my teeth to catch a steady breath. Holding Dee's hand I said I would walk through this with her to the end. She has no idea what is instore for her. Can anyone? She looked terrified, and gripped my hand tighter. I want to know why? I have questions and I am demanding answers. I want to know why things happen? Why innocent families have to be torn apart because of disease? Why we have to live with the hours after? Why we have to live with the terrifying minutes just before?
I have never lost a close family member in death, friends yes. I don't know how to articulate anything that would bring comfort or hope to those who do suffer. Unfortunate is the nicest way I can put it. it is unfortunate that Dee has to go through this. It is unfortunate that families have to deal with the hours. It is unfortunate that I am ignorant, and can't say anything else.
Four years of a developed companionship with some of the warmest people, and to say good bye on these terms? why?
Months of agonizing pain, and in one instant in the arms of Jesus? How can they cope?
I wish I had more to say, I wish I was in the position to help in a greater capacity. I wish I had to ability to answer the hard questions, ease the unbearable pain, soothe until calm. I wish the nightmare of cancer would cease and desist. I wish my friend hadn't suffered so greatly. I wish Dee wouldn't have to face this next year the way she will have to. What do I do? What can I say?

2004-11-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

Just a thought: why fight when you know you are going to lose. This in the context of: why take someone to court without a lawyer when you know you are in the wrong and going to lose the battle. This boggles me, yet still people do it.
I endured my last day of work last night. It was pleasant. I was trying to get myself fired. I thought it would be funny seeing as I have an almost perfect track record (meaning I get 99% on all of my Quality Monitors. No such luck though. It was really nice saying good bye to people, saying things that I wanted them to hear. One unpleasant thing though, my friend, a lady who I call momma decided to announce that she has pancreas cancer. There is really nothing they can do to remove it, seeing as the pancreas is a major part of our anatomy. She also has to have part of her stomach removed. Why do I hate cancer? Why do I hate seeing disease rip families apart? This ending of a four year journey with people who became my friends ended very sadly. I was glad to be out of there, but knowing my "momma" has to suffer. This really sucks. I don't know how to articulate my feelings on this. Her name is Dee, she is unsaved. Please please pray for her. A plus to my not having to work at this place is now I don't have to see this one really creepy woman. Woot woot :) I feel sorry for her because I think she is in need of psychiatric help. She isn't normal, which is sad. Anyways, I never have to see her again. *big sigh of relief*
I really have nothing interesting to blog about today, I have a lot of stuff to process in my head.
Maybe I will just leave you with some answers that need questions:
1. Because in order for it to be that way, one must get the whole bundle package before it can be that way.
2. Well then just don't answer the door
3. forty -five
4. I have other things to do then that.
5. Just laugh at him
6. No because the golgi complex is in the way and it interferes and you can't bypass it in that particular fashion.

Enjoy, making up questions for these answers. Don't strain yourselves.

2004-11-10T18:44:00.000-08:00

Mae West, Strawberry Cheesecake Iced Chai Lattes and Little Black Books
***************
My day at work today was rather interesting. I enjoy watching people so this job provides me with hours of people watching bliss. Today this lady shared the cutest story ever. This woman was a doll, she was saying how the Dollar Store across the way had closed and how she didn't even think one could buy things for a dollar any more. She said that when she was a little girl she saved up all her pennies to buy a Mae West Rinestone Bracelet. She was so excited to buy this because she wanted to look like Ms. West, but when she purchased the bracelet her half sister stole it from her. This was by far the cutest work story I have heard there yet.
I also made something weird today: A Strawberry Cheesecake Iced Chai. Iced Chai with Peach or Vanilla flavouring I can handle, but Strawberry Cheesecake? How rare?!
I have decided not to talk about Little Black Books. I share one with someone, I don't feel like posting on it right now :)
Tomorrow is my last day working for the MCI company. Am I sad? not at all. I am so thrilled to be getting out of there. I think I am going to throw myself a party. It will be nice to just sit back and relax for a little while. I will miss the nice pay cheque, but time is by far more important to me then money. I can handle this.
Anyways, I have nothing really to say. Things are going. I missed Margaret Atwood today, what I wouldn't give to see my favourite author do a reading in Burlington. Upsetting, very upsetting.
My house has been filled with music for the past week, not a moment of silence. This is supposed to create a peaceful atmosphere, this obviously depends on what is playing. I cannot relax to Vivaldi's Four Seasons. This is my favourite besides Pachelbel's Canon in D. I just feel like moving. Four Seasons doesn't put my mind at ease. Anyways, there is constant noise here.
I need to stop. This post is going nowhere important, and I need to close my eyes. I wish I felt like writing about happy things. I don't. I'm sorry.

2004-11-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

Fly
Today I remember. Today I pray. Today it snowed and I laughed. I laughed because I rememebered, and when I remembered I prayed. To those of y ou who faithfully read this blog you may have come familiar with Shar, she left comments, she teased me every chance she got. She talked often of how we were going to be roomies in the mountains in Tibet (me as a goat). Shar is now dancing with the angels, she has found her peace, she is resting in the arms of Jesus. It snowed for the first time this year, today. I laughed because I dispise snow so much but it was a beautiful reminder of the times I shared with my beautiful friend. It seemed we always found ourselves cold and needing more blankets to keep warm, and talking about Tibet kept us shivering all the more. I bought my first pair of mittens this season today, they are pink, they match my hat that I bought in rememberance of her. Proceeds went to the Breast Cancer society, so I jumped at the chance to be able to support. I came home tonight and weeped. As I was sitting with my thoughts there was a song playing gently in the back ground, it captured my attention for a brief stanza. I need to share this, it is so perfect for this situation.
Carried Me:
Jesus you have carried me
When I could not stand
Jesus you have carried me
It's all been part of your plan

Jesus you have carried me
It's your footprints in the sand
Jesus you have carried me
It was always in your hands

My heart breaks once again for a family so loving, so caring. Shar's family. I weep with them in their loss, I rejoice remembering her humour, her ability to forget herself and help others, her desire to love. Sometimes words are not enough, and I find myself struggling to put together a thought, so often I feel like this. There is nothing I can say that will make any of this easier. I just pray strength and peace, for you her dear family, for you her dear friends, and anyone who reads this who has ever been touched by such a kind spirit. I know that this Little Lady's legacy will forever remain vivid in my heart, her life a living testimony of true servanthood, true love, strong courage and fight...it has changed me. It has moved me in such a way, that I will carry this forever.
I sent Shar a song, maybe a month or so ago titled 'Fly' a few lines read: going up to new places, new atmospheres, fly, fly. Today, this song...this song makes me smile.

2004-11-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

*Pre Post Note: this has nothing to do with any of you who read this. It is about my "friend" and her sister tha go to my church.*
I did the stupidest thing today. I told someone something. See, usually I just keep my mouth shut and all is well. My private thoughts are kept private. Apparently I felt like saying something to the wrong person today. I have no idea what got into me. I have this personal thought, on this personal issue, no big deal right? Well, I ended up saying this thought to my "friend's" sister. STUPID MOVE. If you want something to be publicized you tell any one of the members of this family. If you want to keep something secret, don't bother saying anything to them. (Note to self: don't give them your blog address). Anyways, now I feel loke a complete idiot. This thing that I told them...is SO personal. Can someone kick me? Oh and while you are kicking me, remind me never to share my personal thoughts, desires, cravings, shoe size, or any of the like...to anyone. Anyways, lets try to forget that and hope it doesn't turn into a crazy nightmare. I know I will laugh at it in a few years, maybe.
This weekend has been difficult. Sleep has abused me. I can't seem to close my eyes and just relax and sleep. My attention and thoughts have been elsewhere. It's really hard to share. I have been involved in a confrence all weekend, a confrence that took place in a very cold building I might add. Being on the worship team means that I have to be at every single meeting. I don't mind, I just wish I was more alert, and it didn't have to take place this weekend. I enjoyed the time I shared with other members of the ministry team. It's been great, it really has.
There is a lot more I want to share, I just don't want to share it right now. Sometimes I just don't have the words to say. Sometimes what I want to say makes my heart ache so much. Sometimes it is good to embrace the silence. Anything you want to share, feel free.

2004-11-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

Song of the ages
Continuous symphony
Breathe new life.
Sing over us once again
Your melodious ballad
Unchanging orchestration
Is it all inside my head?
Repititous hallelujahs
The chorus of angels
Turn noise inside into
A beautiful song.
The lulling assonance
In its interchanging internal indifference
In air an aria flies
Sing over us once again.
.:ria

2004-11-03T06:34:00.000-08:00

Just Tears
Silent tears are streaming down my face today. I think it is because I just had one final conversation with a woman who has touched me in a way that she should have never. A woman that in her own weakness, gave me the strength to fight. Through out our whole knowing each other we shared intimate details of our lives. She shared with me of her family and her sickness, I shared of my family and my eating disorder. At first we decided to be accountable to each other for the food we ate. I drank countless cans of Ensure (French Vanilla) which still tasted like tin. She said tin was good seeing as I wanted to move to Tibet, Goats like tin; thus dubbing me with the nick name Goat Girl (or GG). We had funny conversations about each day. One Wednesday I remember I said Happy Hump Day and she burst out laughing. She told me that she had been in the car with her husband and daughter and they heard on the radio someone call in and say something about 'bumpin' uglies' at which she needed explanation. She said her poor daughter spit her milk all over the car laughing, embarrassed that she had to explain this phrase to HER MOTHER. We talked about pee, I realized that when one eats beets their pee turns red. She thought it was funny, but later that evening exclaimed that she had not eaten beets that afternoon and ended up having pink pee. She asked her sister to confirm this, and it turns out it was the toilet bowl freshener. We had a good laugh.
We talked about family, intimte moments with our loved ones, she shared her fears, why she thought this had happened to her, and she often said how much she loved her family. I fell inlove with her, she fascinated me with her desire to help everyone anywhere.
Hearing her laugh, hearing her voice just a few days ago brought tears to my eyes. I realized in that moment, like I said a few blogs previous, that one can never know the depth of which another suffers. One can never give enough. I know that night hours were especially hard for her, she told me, and I decided that if I could help in any way, I would. I stayed up, I left my computer on, often times I fell asleep at the computer desk. I just wanted to help, and at times I thought I had failed. I thought I had failed this beautiful woman who has given her life for other people. I told her that, and she said No, GG don't ever think that. But I knew I had nothing left.
If you are one of her family members, or any of her closest friends reading this, thank you for sharing such a beautiful soul with the world. Thank you for letting me spend time with her at insane hours of the night.. Thank you for letting me hear her laugh and say GG. Those moments I will hold dear to my heart.
She made me realize what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. She assured me that my medical leave from University had a reason, and maybe that reason was that I am not supposed to be doing what I originally planned. She told me that God has other plans, which sometimes we don't know until we are vulnerable.
Our last conversations were very difficult ones, difficult for her to type and difficult for me to read. She talked about her trip to "her ocean" and how she enjoyed watching her family browse through the book store, and a moment when a cell phone started to ring and 11 people were checking their pockets and purses to see if it was theirs. She sent me a picture of the moon in the day light and said it reminded her of me, I was touched. She said that her family didn't think she would want to go to the ocean, but she did want to go.
She told me that she made her family angry, and she felt horrible for it. Our last, or what I believe to be our last conversation yesterday afternoon was precious. She told me who she talks to, who she sees, and for how long this had been going on for. She kept saying how she can't tell anyone or they would think she was crazy. I tried to assure her that she wasn't crazy and that everything was normal. My heart aches for a husband who loves this woman so much, it aches for a daughter who loves this woman so much, for a sister who has spent her whole life beside this woman, for her friends that care so deeply.
I have given all I could, I hope that it helped. I don't know. My prayers are with her, as always. There are things I want to share, but not on this blog. Thank you Shar, for everything. Thank you for trusting me with your thoughts and fears. Je t'adore Little Lady, je t'adore.

There you are
Questions filling your mind
Reality hits you
As emotions unwind
I know sometimes It's so hard to understand
Trust me when I tell you
I'm in better hands
'Cause I'm dancing with the angels
I'm walking in new life
It's like nothing you've ever seen
With the angles
Such beauty fills my eyes
Now that I'm dancing with the angels
Quite whispers of how it used to be
You say, How can anyone
Ever take that from me?
We live in a falling world
We cannot deny
But just wait until you see
What I see in my eyes
Only here for such a short time
So stand up, shout out
Sing hallelujah For one day, you'll see me again
And we'll be dancing with the angels
Walking in new life
Like nothing you've ever seen
With the angels
With the angels yeah
With the angels

2004-11-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

Pre Post: My brother shared a few things with me tonight. I wanted ya'll to see for yourself. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/burgerking.html

Deep Breath
The sky is grey and the ground is wet. This is great because rain during this season means that snow is far away. I was pulling into my driveway last night after work and I saw the cutest thing. There was a pile of raked leaves to one side of my house and in this pile of leaves was a cute orange cat just resting. This cat often comes on our deck and sits waiting for us to feed him. We named him muffin, he is homeless. It was nice to see him resting in the leaves. It made me remember the times I had as a kid just playing in the October leaves at my old house, with my siblings. We would whip walnuts at squirrels, not full walnts just the pieces and I was never strong enough to actually hit one (well, maybe a few times.) I remember getting hit on the head a few times by walnuts. The squirrels would jump from limb to limb knocking down loose walnuts on their way.
Tonight I will turn the fireplace on. I get off work early so I think I am just going to come home, make hot apple cider and sit by the fire place with a good book, a nice blanket and maybe my mother. It'll be nice to just sit and enjoy the moment. I can't wait for the break. I wont write any lists (what I have to buy, which forms I need to put in the mail, to do list for tomorrow.) Just relax.
My sister came to work with me yesterday. It was fun, we actually...now...hold on cause this will shock you...we actually got along. We talked about her new phone, took a few pictures with it, ate candy and just hung out. I taught her how to make a latte and we laughed at some woman who tried to tell us how to make hers. Hanging out with my sister made me feel like a teenager again. It's been so long! I am so serious to, when I was younger I was just not a teenager. I think I will hang out with my sister more often, I find she helps me stay young and not so serious. We have our good moments. Usually in the car. She will put on some radio station and if I act totally crazy, it'll get her laughing and then we will both laugh. It's good. Any sort of good that happens between her and I is special, it doesn't happen to often. I think we are making progress.
Oh before I forget, does anyone know how to post videos on blogs?

2004-11-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

Comfort
Over the past while I have been sick. Spinning one might say, and todays dosage of ibuprophen didn't help the standing up without feeling dizzy factor. I would like to crawl in a hole and just lay there for a very long time. Have you ever had those days? weeks? months? I'm pretty sure you have. (note to Dr. Phil, this isn't your cue to give me your theory crap, so just lay off.) Today I was driving, which I shouldn't have been doing considering my mental state and the fact that I haven't gotten my new glasses yet (so my vision is off) but I started to hum a song. I haven't heard it for a very long time, but it popped into my head and it brought me a lot of comfort. I don't know what you are going though. I know what some of you are going through to a certain degree, but I just want you to read, sing, hum or think this song. If you can't sing, hum or even think right now get someone to sing it for you (if that doesn't work, call me and I will sing it for you.) It is just so comforting.

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

I love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

I 'll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I'll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
I'll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

...take comfort in those words, take comfort in the fact that even though you may hate yourself, you maybe be upset with whatever circumstances life has given you Jesus is your source. Everything is covered under his blood. If you have a need today, I encourage you to share it, if you feel comfortable. Just leave a message in my comment box. If you need someone to pray, I will pray with you.

2004-10-30T21:04:00.000-07:00

I Have Nothing Left
I am in agony as I write this. I can barely even place my fingers on the keyboard, my mind is racing and I am going to throw up, I can feel it. This is not about me. This is not about what I am going through personally. This is about a friend. I can't see what I am typing because I am so full of emotions and my eyes are just in a blur. You can never understand what a person is going through, never. When you give, it is never enough and I came to that realization today.
Today I got to hear the voice of a beautiful woman. I feel very selfish for even wanting to hear her voice again. This woman is someone I cannot ever explain, there are no words to describe her. In the time that I have known her, she has given in ways that she should have never given. Because I love her, I have spent hours at night just talking to her, letting her know I am there whenever she needs.
I have asked for prayer on several occasions regarding her situation. After listening to her tonight, and after reading what I have read tonight my heart aches. I hope that if she reads this, she will not be upset by my talking about her. Her life is so precious and in the short time I have known her she has shared intimate details of this precious life. I don't know when I have to say good bye, but I am dreading it very much. She speaks oft of her lovely family and my heart aches for the pain they must be feeling.
My Dearest Little Lady, (good morning)
I know that someone is reading this for you, and for that I am glad. Thank you for sharing your life with me. You are beautiful, and I am not biased (I know you are saying that.) Je t'adore-gG

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please do not respond to this unless you feel you need to. I just needed to open my heart.

2004-10-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

Shall We Dance?

Carrie and I went to see that movie tonight. We decided to go to the earlier show as tomorrow I am working at a Business Men's Expo really early in the morning. We were sitting in the theatres being our usual selves (if you know us as we are together, you know what I mean.) CRAZINESS!! We sat there for a while just laughing and singing all the movie theatre preview songs. We were thinking that we had the whole theatre to ourselves when all of the sudden it started to fill up with old people. I am not talking old as in thirty- five year old people. I am talking 60-75 (crap, I am going to get my butt kicked for this, I know.) Then we realized that we had come to the early show, old people go to those shows. All the teens go to the late shows. We started (well I started) to get alittle depressed because I realized then that I was aging. I could actually feel my grey hair trying to push out of my scalp, I could feel parts of me sagging, I could smell old lady perfume. That perfume wasn't mine, oh no no no. Guys remember grandparents day at Redeemer? Remember needing to wear gas masks just to keep from passing out. That is the smell I am talking about. Some Kerplunkistanian people sat behind us (they were the generators of most of the awful smell) they just started talking in their native Kerplunky language. It was a bit annoying.
Okay, so the movie was so cute. Go see it, I recommend seeing it. Richard Gere was so hot. He reminds me of John the Honda man. Be still my beating heart.
Anyways, I want to share some song lyrics tonight. Don't laugh because I really like this song.

Annie's Song
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in spring time
Like a walk in the rain.
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
Come let me love you, come love me again

One final thought before I close, this is more a vent then a thought. I haven't complained about my sister yet this week, so I will. She is getting on my last nerve and if she continues her stupid, childish charade I am on a one way flight to Tibet. Her and I are completely different. Karlie doesn't care what she says or does to people, which in the long run, once she matures could be a good thing. I see her running for President someday I really do. Karlie is very frivilous. Take her phone for instance, that is the single most expensive thing she has ever in her life purchased and probably won't purshase something that significant until she buys a car or funds her wedding. I have never spent that much money on one single thing (besides maybe 4 plane tickets, a car, 4 years of University education) but come on, each of those things bought me culture, travel, intelligence, and whatever else. Not a conversation with my boyfriend(s) and my best friend that I will possibly be hating in ten minutes time. I am upset by her frivility (another Erica made word.) Frivilousness whatever. I mean you could feed a small third world country with that purchase. Anyways, she is so self centered, like any teenager should be right? I don't get it, can someone shed some light here. I mean when I was a teenager I spent my time in a library, spent my time in Portugal (in a library) and watching operas. Why is she likes this, and why can't I understand and just deal with it? Am I in the wrong for acting like this? Am I being way to much of an adult and not so much a big sister? Thankfully my brother has a nice punching bag in his room. I think I will go break my knuckles.

2004-10-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

Sweet October

My favourite view is orange on blue, the colour of a late October Sky. It reminds me that when I go outside I will still feel the sunshine, and will smell woodstoves burning. I used to think that rainy May was my favourite month, I like rain and flowers so why not like May. But really, this month is just gorgeous. It is more exciting to see the process of photosynthesis, than to watch a whole myriad of little baby animals birthed. I am afraid of squirrels almost as much as spiders. October hosts tired, fat squirrels that don't really care if they run out infront of your car, or corner you on a porch. They want food, so I am not really a threat to them any longer. October is beautiful. I think I will drink Chai tea when I am finished this post.
Congrats to the Boston Red sox on a victory (winning the Worldseries was it? Grey Cup, Superbowl, whatever). YAY for Boston, YAY for whatever. I don't watch baseball, nor hockey (does that make for a bad Canadian or what? I don't even like beer come to think of it, and no I don't know Joe from Winnipeg). At any rate, winning something that huge is, well...great I guess. I think it would be more honourable to win the Nobel Prize, but hey if all you can do is hit balls and whip your sticks around, then more power to ya! I like watching golf and tennis, does that make me a geek?
I have nothing over the top intelligent to say today. As of late my moods have been different. I've done a lot of reading, and have caught up on most of my missed sleep (is it ok to sleep at work?) Don and I have this book going at work where we write notes to pass time. The notes can be about anything and can take up as many pages as needs be. I wrote a seven page note, and it to me was depressing. I am not sure what it was that I was thinking. But it was a weird note. I just felt that I needed to say things that I had never said before. I feel that way in a lot of areas. I need to just say what I want to say to people, just so they know. I am highly guilty of not sharing my feelings to my friends, to my family. It is easy to write them out in a blog for instance. Because you don't have to respond and we can not have a continuous conversation about it. I just say, and leave. Very non committal. However, lately I have been changing that. If you find me speaking my thoughts more often to you, or just saying how I feel, please just accpet it. Things happen in our lives (with our friends, with us, with our fmaily) that cause us too look deep inside our hearts. I have been reaching inside lately. Am I right with God? Do I need to make ammends with someone before it is too late? Do I need to tell you I love you, so that you know?

2004-10-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

This is very exciting. If you can't be bothered to read the link, it just talks about the donation made to breast cancer research:

"Descendants of late newspaper magnate Roy Thomson donated $25 million for breast cancer research, in what is thought to be the single largest gift for cancer research in Canadian history."

Go Canada!!!!!

2004-10-27T01:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Hump Day
This little thing here has quite a lineage, one I'd rather not recount, but it is my duty to keep it alive.

Three things I'm wearing right now:

1. A cable knit sweater
2. Striped brown and orange knee high socks
3. A blue tee shirt

Three things on my desk:

1. Photo Albums
2. Shakespeare plays (in seperate books)
3. a blank cd

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Marry
2. Have children
3. travel the rest of the world

Three good ways to describe my personality:
1. Thoughtful
2. motherly
3. quiet (is that a personality thing?)

Three bad things about my personality:

1. I can be anxious
2. I can get too quiet
3. I lack confidence

Three things I like about my body:

1. The color of my eyes.
2. my ears
3. Yeah, that's about it.

Three things I don't like about my body:

1. the size of certain areas
2. my hair
3. My everything else.

Three things I say the most:

1. meh
2. no worries
3. whatever

Three places I want to go:

1. France
2. England
3. Africa

Three names I go by:

1. Erica
2. Ria
3. GG/Rica Roo as of late

Three screen-names I have had:

1. faeriequeen
2. GG
3. lainey laines

Three people I consider best friends:

Carrie
Sarah
JD (if he brings me pistachios :P )

Three CDs I couldn't live without:

1. Erica's Angst CD (just a mixed one)
2. a mixed classical cd
3. PLUMB

Three websites I visit the most frequently:

1. blogger.com
2. hotmail.com
3. photobucket.com

Three books I want to read:

1. Dance of the Happy Shades, Alice Munro
2. Alias Grace, Margaret Atwood
3. Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words

Three things that make me cry:

1. talking about peoples pains
2. Losing someone/ saying good bye
3. Watching certain movies (eg: Homeward Bound, Steel Magnolias, Radio, Beauty & the Beast)

Three things that make me laugh:

1. endearing idiosyncracies of certain people
2. My two cousisn Jessica and Jodie, they have me laughing so hard (usually just laughing about our childhood)
3. When Don makes "the noise"

Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore

(not blog author's own picture)
I see the moon; the moon sees me
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree.
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love.

2004-10-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

Addendum
Latest songs to stir me:

Fly - Spontaneous Worship song by Jason Upton, it is just phenomenal.
I Can Only Imagine- This one speaks for itself really
Imagine - originally done by the beatles I think, I like the version done by A Perfect Circle
Pachelbel's Canon in D - This always stirs me not matter what
King of Majesty - A Hillsong recording, I love it.
Brahm's Lullaby- Flashes of my forgotten childhood come flooding back
My Heart Will Go On- Just simply the instrumental redition.
I Have Questions- Tim Hughes, it was a song that gave me hope
My Immortal-Evanescence, it reminds me of when Elise and I used to jam. We played that song so well :)

Latest blessing to surprise me:
finding glasses that fit, ummm just my next breath is really a blessing, and that sounds cheesy, but you have no idea what it means to me.

Latest memory that warms me:
Lately it has been doing worship at church, that is a warm memory
anything with Sarah and Carrie warm me as well, usually :P

Latest person I can't wait to see:
This is a tough one. I can't wait to see a lot of people for many different reasons.
Carrie-because it has been well since her birthday in August (sniff sniff)
Sarah-because she makes me laugh
Shar-just because I love her a lot
Kate-because deep down inside I love having my butt grabbed and being spun around to the point of throwing up.
...if you are not on this list, don't take offense, it just means I see you on a fairly regular basis :)

Latest verses to thrill me:
1 Corinthians 6: 20 "for ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your Spirit, which are God's."
2 Corinthians 4: 17, 18 "for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exeeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen
for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things that are not seen are eternal.

Confessions of the Sister of a Teenage Dramaqueen
Today is confession day. It's Monday, what better way to start it then getting everything off my chest that needs to go. So I figure that since my last list was roughly a week ago, I would make another one. I will title it 'My Confessions'

I like the song Sweet Home Alabama
I pop my burns (wait...deflate sounds a bit better) I deflate my burns. After carefully reading this over I find that this sounds a bit weird still. What I mean is, when I get burned, I like to deflate them. I don't burn often.
Inside I adore Martha Stewart
I actually can cook
I get excited about new cleaning products
I watch Gilmore Girls (crap, I can't believe I said that)
I watched one season of Survivor religiously (Survivor Australia)
I iron all my clothes, it is very theraputic
My sock drawer is colour coded (and seeing as I only wear black and brown socks, that task is pretty simple)
I am a shopoholic (which reminds me, I need to rant about this book I am reading. It is called "Confessions of a Shopoholic" and it is the most stupidest thing I have ever read.)
I don't have any cavities, probably because I don't drink pop or eat candy
I refuse (flat out refuse) to drink milk, which is bad I know.
When I was in eigth grade I beat up my friend. She said something bad about someone so I slammed her head off a coat hook. We aren't friends anymore.
I stole a puppy, and sold it to make profit
I feed my cat yogurt, ice cream and tuna fairly regularly
John the Honda man and I had a trist in the back room which involved biscotti (I made that one up)
I found a grey hair, which is really uncommon to find at my age in my family, and I picked it out and cried.

...and I am thinking that is enough incriminating evidence against me for one day, but really, that is the mild list :)
Now on to the topic of the book I am reading. I just want to say that it is horrible. I have never read something so literary-ily displeasing in my whole life (besides my new word there: Literaryily). You can open the book from any point and read the same thing. It is all about this girl who shops and can't pay off her VISA bill. The chapters are the same except she buys different things and her VISA bill increases. If you read the book backwards though, her bill decreases, it is very clever. I strongly recommend that if you own this book, don't wast your time reading it. And if you happen to like this book, I have a few suggestions for you.
#1 take a literary Criticism course, if you can't, please I will lend you my notes
#2 I think number ten on the most famous Canadians list is Margaret Atwood, who is she you ask? One of the greatest Modern writers of all time (well, of modern time)
#3 read poetry, that doesn't mean cheesy poems your boyfriend wrote you...that means John Donne, Robert Frost (the greatest American writer besides Mark Twain), George Herbert, John Milton, for crying out loud read some nursery rhymes if you have to.
Whatever you do don't read this book. I have wasted enough time reading five chapters, I feel like my life has quickly passed me by. This book is comparable to certain articles in Cosmo, highly stimulating for 30 seconds, if that. Anyways enough of that.
It hasn't been sunny lately, which for some can be depressing. I encourage you to buy a travel guide book and start making vacation arrangements. Some suggestions: Fiji, Bermuda, Australia (stay away from sleeping roadside kangaroos), Hawaii, Tibet, the nearest Recycling Compound etc., just to name a few. If you can't do that maybe just put on your favourite song and imagine yourself walking along the beach in the middle of the summer. Why do I get this strange feeling that he snow is coming early this year? Even after I wrote that nasty letter? I wouldn't mind being a missionary called to Jamaica or Cancun, Mexico. C'est la vie.
I am driving to Toronto tonight, I am just a bit nervous. I have never driven to Toronto before and so...yeah. I am wondering if it is comparable to a four hour drive to Windsor, because I did that no problem. Toronto is only an hour away, but eww I don't want to drive it. Anyways, happy Monday.

2004-10-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Snow,
I think you and I have a problem, and as the more mature one, I feel the need to address it. You see, I hate you. I think you are not nice, dirty and malicious. I am not really sure if that merits the deep hatred I have towards you, or if I am just overreacting. As a child I used to enjoy you, and spend hours with you as you joyfully manipulated me into thinking you were a good guy. However, since I have grown up a bit, I have caught on to your sneaky ways and I now realise that you have come for one thing, and one thing only. I think you are low. I think you have over stayed your welcome and it is time for you to go. I know that you are planning on making a big entrance this year pretending to sprinkle the ground with your sparkly whiteness, making every man, woman, and child stand in awe of your beauty thinking of all the special moments that can be shared. This year you can just unpack your bags and stay where you belong. We don't want you here, you suck. Heed this warning, and stay away, stay far far away, or else.
Warmest Wishes and Best of Luck in your Future Endeavors,
Ria

2004-10-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

And Ode to Irrational Cuteness

There is this sense that I can't explain
It's all wrapped up into one single being.
Each tiny detail so precious, so woven together to create a flower.
The description so majestic, words cannot describe.
In one moment we are standing here alone, and in the next
Hearts overflowing with a sense of comfort, and renewed hope.
So pure and simple in a childlike way
She pours out her heart and for nothing in return.
Such a beautiful life, so torn and tired
Tiny classicality so neatly arranged
Eyes bright with new stories and tales of a life so fully lived.
A life, like a candle, melting away leaving an angelic aroma
Such exquisiteness for a quiet heart to hold dear
Love unfailing, overtaking my heart
Unrepayable acts of altruism
In your shadow I feel helpless, yet we dwell in that of the Almighty.
A simple offering I cannot accord, as it is slowly rejected
An offering given in it's place
Consumed moments, sleepless nights
Enervated optimism, yet endless affection.
Che puo faccio? with no reply
Standing strong in her own weakness, a pillar, a strong tower.
Let me touch you once more, if not here, then with the angels
Let me show you what you have done, what you have created.
Rest well beautiful flower, heaven holds a tender place for those deserved as you.
.:gG:.

2004-10-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Just Stuff
I have a lot on my mind today. Tomorrow I wake up, press my nicely tailored shirt, iron my jeans and socks (yes I iron my socks, it's warm), do my hair up and sprits on a little of my Roots Spirit. Tomorrow is a day I would like to run through very quickly, not so much because of who I will be seeing, but because of the old memories I have. I am going to school tomorrow. I am nervous, not only will I see people that I don't really care to see, but I will also be remembering my time there, the good moments and the scarier moments. I have been putting this little trip off for a very long time. I had a plethora of excuses, I think I used the "my leg is itchy" wait, no that was the one I was going to use tonight when I called you Sarah. By the way, I will talk about that conversation in a minute, it is very shareworthy. So, yeah...that is what I will be doing tomorrow and I totally forgot about it until tonight at 9:30 when I was filling my gas tank up. I was thinking to myself why are you getting gas this early in the week, you don't really need any until OH...right Hamilton. Yep I rushed right home to confirm my plans with Sarah and have a really weird conversation with her mother. I swear I thought it was Sarah. So the conversation went alittle like this
Ring ring
Her: Hello
Me: Heeeellllloooooo (in a weird voice)
Her: hi
Me: so how's it going
Her: not to bad
Me: ok good, soooooo I;m coming in tomorrow
Her: ok
Me: sarah, are you ok?
Her: this isn't sarah
Me: are you sure, you sound a lot like sarah
Her: this is her mom
Me: oh my, I am so embarrassed. Please let sarah know I called.
Alright so that was the conversation, it was weird. You know, I am glad that I didn't mention anything embarrassing or incriminating, like the time we talked about cherries, or playing with your balls, or prof. you know who's butt.
Ok, so I have a date tomorrow in the G-spot, don't get to excited about that, Sarah. You don't want to make me pass out. The less excitement the better. Maybe alittle bit of screaming, maybe.
(oh digression...this is a Sarah Quote: I can't see the G-spot) me thinking >em>well I should hope not.
Anyways I am still nervous. I thought that talking about this might help diminish my anxiety, but it has only heightened it. I hope you don't mind if I walk rather slowly tomorrow. Oh and I also hope that Kate doesn't pick me up, twirl me around, grab my butt and kiss me. That right there my friends could put me into cardiac arrest.
I think I will post a few more pictures, to remember the good moments at RUC. And sadly, there are no pictures I really feel like sharing. However, there is a funny one which does bring back memories of driving to Windsor in my car, with a couple boxes of gummy worms and campinos

can anyone guess which sex it is?

Shar, this one is for you, I remember you saying that you thought it was neat, the saying. Oh and by the way...you are trailing!!

This one is for me, a nice peaceful image to remember before going to RUC
Anyways, again, I am opening up the floor. I like sharing. I am more of a face to face talker. I don't like the idea of a blog comment system. It is so impersonal, just like the way I don't like MSN or YAHOO Messanger it is too impersonal, but hey...work with what you got, eh! So, if you need to say anything, if you want to rant about the indoor canopies at Redeemer feel free. If you want to bash me (hint, nudge, wink IC/LL) feel free...bring it on baby :)Just say or do what you feel like. I don't care, well I care, but I mean...I am not going to stop you from saying whatever. Anyways, I might see some of you tomorrow, and I apologize ahead of time if I am weird. I might not see some of you tomorrow, but that doens't mean I am not thinking of you. Oy Vey! (mini digression: only the Ashkenazic Jews say Oy Vey).

en accéléré le soleil s'étale
lourdeurs à travers les os
des arbres

2004-10-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

A New Day
This morning I was up very early. The night didn't offer me much sleep, and I found myself reading Shakespeare (I figure that since it put me to sleep way back when I took the course, why not now). Then I found myself talking to God, I could talk out loud because no one but God could hear me. Anyways, by the time I knew it, it was early morning. I looked out our big window in the family room and the sky was painted a beautiful pink colour, which intertwined itself with the cloud formation. I love watching a sun rise over water, it is my favourite sight. Today though, it was different. I had a different sense of calmness inside, one which I hadn't experienced in a while. The song that popped into my head was one that we had just been learning at church, and I was having a hard time learning it. This morning it all came together.

A sun set in Portugal, my favourite picture
Always
Did you rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might know your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I've known marked with my Maker's finger prints?
Breathe on me, let me see Your face
Ever I will seek you

Chorus:
Cause all you are is all I want, always
Draw me close in your arms-Oh god
I want to be with you.

I feel you in the rain
Abandon all I am to have You capture me again.
Let the earth resound with praise
Can you hear as all creation lives to glorify one Name
Breathe on me, let me see Your face
Ever I will see You

Cause all you are is all I want, always
Draw me close in your arms-oh God
I want to be with you.

If you can get a copy of this song somehow, I urge you to. Music is a huge part of my life, as you might be able to see, and this song just really ministered to me this morning. I had this unquestionable peace, which I never feel.

I just want to open up the floor. I want you to use my comment box to say whatever you feel today. I want you to share what God is speaking to you about, or doing in your life. I want you to just say what you need to say. If you feel like being funny, by all means-laughter is the best medicine. If you want to yell or vent, feel free. My comment box is totally open. Just share what is on your heart. I do that so often, and it brings a sense of release. Whatever you want...it's open for you.

2004-10-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

Let it Rain
Have I ever said how much I enjoy worshipping God? Well, I do love it. I am a worship leader at my church, that means I am stuck with a microphone in front of my face and a keyboard to hide behind. Taylor, the lead guitarist and I spent a few hours jamming tonight before the service. It was amazing. We started playing the song 'Let it Rain' almost simultaneously. It was beautiful, the atmosphere that was created was so...I don't know, was so majestic. Let it rain, let it rain, open the flood gates of heaven Over and over. My eyes were closed and all I could do was point my head upwards to heaven, tears streaming down my face in awe of God, in awe of everything he has done for me, in awe of the miracle of life. There are many many things that I question, things that I have done which God hasn't stopped me from doing, things that other people are going through that confuse me and make me angry, many other questions. However, when we get ourselves in a mode of worship and just put all other distractions out of our minds, things seem to be ok, the questions I have seem to settle themselves. I haven't seen The Passion of the Christ, and don't intend to, not anytime soon anyways, but the image of the cross is in my head. I asked God to show me how much He loves me, how much he loves you and what He went through on the cross, to assure you of eternal life is the picture I have. Why does nothing seem to matter when my eyes are focued on Him?
I have been going through some things lately. If you went to school with me last year you will know what I mean. It is all beginning again. It is painful. This is why my blogs seem to be so different lately. One thing though, the Passion of the Christ, what He did for me on Calvary's cross, I can't ever get that image out of my head.
The Lord Reigns, let the earth be glad. Let the distant shores rejoice and clouds of thick darkness surround Him. Righteousness and Justice are the foundation of His throne. A fire goes before Him and consumes His foes on every side. His lightening lights up the world. The earth sees and trembles, the mountains melt like wax at the presence of the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth. The heavens proclaim his righteousness and all people will see His glory. We want to see your glory Lord.
If we could just get one single glimpse of Christ's love for us, things that seem to tie us down in our everyday life would be so non deserving of our energy and anxiety. I have been wracked with panic for the past few days, needing to hold on to something just to catch my breath. I put my focus on the cross, and it vanishes, the panic just stops. I wish we could have a pure image of the lengths Christ went for us on te cross to assure us of everlasting life, to let us konw that everything is covered under the blood, and that our eyes should be fixed on the Lamb of Glory, and not simple things of this earth. If I could get that image in my head, if it could stay in my head, it would be life changing.

2004-10-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Despiration
Again, I am begging for prayer. If you missed my post that was asking for prayer for a dear friend of mine, here I am asking again. This is pleading. No details, just pray. Whatever God lays on your heart, pray it.
And also, if you are reading this by chance, or whatever, whatever reason you are here I am asking, begging, pleading with you to take care of yourself in any way possible. If that means a mammogram, please don't hesitate at all. If that means any sort of examination to test for any disease, do it now, before it is too late. If you are struggling with anything, seek help. Take care of yourself. If you need anything, my comment box is open.
And again, for my friend, pray for peace.

Along life's road
There will be sunshine and rain
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep
Deserts so long and valleys so deep
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember
I want you to know

You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
You may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And He'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone

The path will wind
And you will find wonders and fears
Labors of love and a few falling tears
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember
Wherever you may go

You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
You may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And He'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone

Jesus knows your joy,
Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

2004-10-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

The Unfinished Story
Disclaimer: I want to write a story. However, there is one catch; I am starting it and you, my people, will use your creative wit and heads to add colour to the little story. This should in no way inhibit your artistic, seductive and creative abilities. Feel free to use my comment box system to free your mind. Enjoy this little activity, but keep in mind- you can only have two consecutive comments at a time, leave some for others, and then go back. Good luck, may the most creative person survive. Words you can use (without getting introuble and kicked off): cream sauce, milkshakes, bumpin' uglies, soda, crocodile, white chocolate, french fries, position. Again, I don't want to inhibit your talents, but please refrain from using vulgar language.

Part One
It is a beautiful October evening. The air is crisp, and so are my chips; Lays, I betcha can't eat just one. Barbeque my favourite, although sometimes they get a little too hot to handle. My mouth burns and I need something to soothe it. By the way, my name is Kimberly Stroud, I'm a writer and my doctors say I have agorophobia but I don't know what that means. My parents are away on business in the jungle heart of KEnya, leaving me and a cat named 'Asif' at home with our thoughts and an olympic sized indoor pool.
I've been homeschooled my whole life and am now taking correspondence University classes and am well on my way to being top of my class, although I am not too sure how many people are in my class. Last year I held the freshman dance here at the estate, but I was the only one who showed up. You hvae to admit though, I was not only the wallflower, but the freaking coolest person there. Hey who knows I may even be elected class president, or better yet valedictorian. I feel like I am gaining new height in this dog eat dog world. Funny thing, after the party had ended and after cleaning up the disgusting mess, I found a card. Not just any card, but a card that said Miguel Jorge (pronounced Whore-hey). This card was quite obviously screaming to me. So now, I am sitting here holding my laptop with one hand, Asif with the other and staring deeply at this card....
(your turn)

2004-10-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving Eve
As I am a list maker, I thought it appropriate to create a list of things that I am thankful for. One of our family traditions is to go around the table saying one thing we are thankful for, but this year amidst many other things, this tradition was overlooked. I am thankful for that because what I am truly thankful for I can't even describe. It is much easier for me to write things, that way you know...it is less personal. I hate when I get into a heated discussion or an emotional discussion and I feel like crying or I start to get mad and you can tell by my face, my chin quivering, or whatever. This way you can't see anything...HA!
1. Salvation
2. the family that I speak to on a semi daily basis
3. the continuation of my life, and my next breath
4. music
5. ability to play music
6. amazing friends, seen and not seen
7. forks and spoons
8. Hand sanitizer
9. my beautiful home, an places in it which give me sanctuary
10. knowledge
11. Dictionaries
12. grace and mercy
13. words
14. old people
15. children
16. my Nalgene bottle, and my deceased Nalgene bottle

Something weird, an epiphany I had today. As I was cleaning out my hard drive, especially my music folders I noticed that each and every song had some emotional significance to it. Each were songs of deep pain, joy, ecstacy and the like. I was confronted with the thought of why this music attracts it self to me. I think it is all part of this huge plan to get me out of my emotinal shell, all parts of a plan that help me show how I feel. Music and I are like a hand to a glove, chocolate to peanut butter, Kate to nuts (kate being the squirrel....) Where I am, so also is music. Lately I have been listening to Maroon 5, Tim Hughes, A Perfect Circle, Jason Upton, etc. Anyways I thought I would share that.
Oh and yesterday I wrote this poem. It just kind of fell out of my head. I'm not really sure what I meant by it. It is just a symbol of how we are after all our mistakes have been made, and how we catch a glimpse of Jesus and His everlasting grace and allow ourselves to be put on the potter's wheel. Jesus is the author of our life, He created us in His image, which is a hard concept to grasp. Jesus is beautiful and that is manifested in everything we see. I bought some mums yesterday and they are beautiful, sunshine pouring though open clouds is beautiful, rain and thunderstorms are beautiful. Jesus' beauty is all around us, it's everywhere. Is this poem about me? I am not sure. I know that I can identify with each line, and I think I have fallen off of the potters wheel several times. Anyways, just something I wanted to share :)

An Ode to Beautifulness
At a time when darkest was all you could see
Everything within you screamed to try harder
When simplicity demanded the whole of your time
And elegance seemed to befall you
In an age where deception was your closest friend
You latched on, unaware of the consequences
At a place that seemed to feed your every need
And running put you further back in the race
In one instance it flashes by, like angels wings
Throwing you into a whirlwind of "but whys?"
Your head says one thing but your heart knows the truth
Like a blanket, your heart wraps itself into this truth
Pleading with it, begging it to release you
Soft, onto the pillow you fall lifeless, like clay
Into the hands of the most skillful artist
Whose gentle hands smooth over and put together
Shards of a life once broken, now mended.

2004-10-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Mercy Said No
Have you ever had those days where you feel like God forgot you? Maybe not totally forgot you, but just got busy with someone else and left you there...kinda just hanging there? I have been going through some stuff, trying to make progress in an area of my life that I am struggling in. Like I am scraping down a brick wall with a butter knife. It's not fun, not at all, but I realize what is on the otherside of this wall, and I know that it is an onion process. A process that, like peeling and onion, takes time, tears shed, pain, and time, lots of time (did I fail to mention time?) During this process, a certain part I went through this week, my friend sent me this song and it really really touched me. It came at a moment when I needed to hear it most. It was perfect and I am so thankful that she sent it. I want to share the lyrics, as they are touching and maybe you are struggling with something in your own life today and you just need that little bit of enouragement. Maybe you need someone to say, "hey man, I'm praying for you"

I was just a child, when I felt the Savior leading
I was drawn to what I could not understand
And for the cause of Christ, I have spent my days believing
That what He'd have me be, who I am
As I've come to see the weaker side of me
I realize His grace is what I'll need
When sin demanded justice for my soul
(Chorus)
Mercy said no
I'm not going to let you go
I'm not going to let you slip away
You don't have to be afraid
Mercy said no
Sin will never take control
Life and death stood face to face
Darkness tried to steal my heart away
Thank You Jesus, Mercy said no
For God so loved the world, that He sent His son to save us
From the cross He built a bridge to set us free
Oh, but deep within our hearts, there is still a war that rages
And makes a sacrifice so hard to see
As midnight fell upon the crucifixion day
The light of hope seemed oh so far away
As evil tried to stop redemption's flow
(Repeat Chorus)
And now when heaven looks at me
It's through the blood of Jesus
Reminding me of one day long ago

In other news, I have a prayer request. This is not for me, it is for a friend. A very dear friend. I am not released to share any details, names, anything. I just want you to pray. I know that the majority of people who read this are Christians. I am pleading with you to pray for my friend. I am not sure what else to say. But God surely knows. This is me being completely serious. Please stand in the gap for a fellow believer, in prayer.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving weekend is nice. This is such a wonderful season to remember God's provision and love for his children. I am so thankful for my next breath, and the over abundance God has given to me. What are you thankful for today?

Hmmm, I left all my music in a tent at church, I will be thankful if no one takes it, and that it is there tomorrow sitting near my keyboard stand.

And, yeah I will end on a sappy note. Thank you all for just being the wonderful people you are. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends, an amazing support system, and two wonderful spouses (with 4 beautiful children). You have all taught me a great deal, even if it is to laugh at myself when I make a mistake, even if it is laughing at me when I make a mistake, or if it is teaching me new words and phrases to add to my already full vocabulary (I won't mention any of these phrases as I was not quite sworn to never say them again). Have a great weekend.

2004-10-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

Keys, Poems, Cinderella and the Like
I am excited about getting a key to the coffee shop, because now...as Carrie puts it, I can have sex on the counter. (Craig, are you sure the Honda guy's name is John??) Yeah, what status! Anyways...
I wrote a poem today, yay for fresh pencils, twisted minds, and a few drinks (of water, only water).

Eleventh hour, I'm on my knees
Lips quivering, wondering if it will happen again
Throat burning, liquified heaven is my only relief
She's hear near me, her presence is chilling
This skeletal frame can hide no longer

Ok, so had I been in ENG 403 (is that creative writing, or is it 303) I don't think Prof. "You Know Who" would like that very much because there is no mention of sex or anything sensual (or is there....maybe you have to unpack it.) I was just thinking about a certain person named Jen's response to that poem. "How do I know if I'm ovulating...." ok no more laughter. I miss that kid, really I do.

Ok, maybe I wont talk about Cinderella. I will save that for another day. But you know what I will talk about....(drum roll please)

Nifty Philosophy Schmuck
*Note: read at your own risk. This could easily bore you. I have no doubt. I will add something more interesting at the end for those of you who cannot stand philosophy (heaven forbid).
I thought that I would start out easy. Begin with realism and Aristotle. Something a bit easier to swallow than naturalism and Rousseau. This is a sort of foundation I am trying to establish, some sort of starting block. The basic definition of realism is: things exist no matter how we perceive them. There are four basic principles that we should establish before moving forward which are taken from Gutek, Gerald, L. "Philosophical and Ideological Perspectives in Education".
#1 The world we inhabit is of real existence.
#2 Regardless of how we use objects. they are real.
#3 We can have some knowledge of the objects based on reason.
#4 Our knowledge about said objects is most the reliable guide to uhman conduct.
With that said, it is much easier, based on laws, to be a realist that an idealist.
The origins of realism lie in the philosophies of Aristotle (who, if you aren't aware, was a student of Plato). Aristotle founded the Lyceum, a school in Athens that focused on natural sciences, logic, ethics, etc. Aristotle played a large role in classification in terms of inanimate matter (rocks) being on the lower end of the scale, and animate matter (plants) being on the higher end of the scale. There are a few points in his theory that we need to make clear:
#1 The Material Cause- something out of which a being is made.
#2 The Formal Cause- is that into which a being is made.
#3 The Efficient Cause- the agent used to bring about motion from potential to actual.
#4 The Final Cause- direction toward which the being is tending.

...there's alittle foundation, and advertisement for what is to come.

2004-10-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

Art

This is one of my favourite pictures by the artist Rembrant. If I am correct this piece is called The Prodigal. I just wanted to share it with you.
Today my mechanic/family member goes in for lymph node surgery. Please, please keep him in your prayers. From what I know, the doctors don't know how serious this is, I guess they will be running tests and all that (I really don't know what this surgery entails). Thanks for praying.
I have a sickening craving for White Hot Chocolate with Vanilla. That is like heaven in my mouth, the melted marshmallow like taste mixed with the smooth hint of vanilla. Why am I not working at the coffee shop today?! For $3.00 I could be living in heaven (momentarily).
I noticed as I was packing away my many pairs of beloved capris, favourite 3/4 sleeve length shirts, Campus Crew tee shirts, my favourite sage golf tee shirt and Dr. Marten sandals, that I have no socks to wear in this fast approaching cold season. I was hanging up some sweaters and folding my pants and there were no socks, none at all. I have no idea what I did with them, isn't that dumb?! Oh well, just another excuse for me to go shopping. My mother said to me the other day that I wear disposable clothes. She says "you spend tons of money one week, and the clothes are bagged up the next week" I say "collecting clothes is a hobby of mine." She doesn't get it. Anyways, oh where are my socks? My feet are freezing.
I said the other day that I was going to put some lyrics on here from Dashboard Confessional (one of my favourite, favourite bands). This song is funny, although it was one of those "had to be there moments." At RUC we have coffee house (if you are not familiar with RUC, I will explain a bit). Anyways, coffee house...wow good times (Sarah, remember going through the cell phone of the 'man whore' and then getting all of those rocket candies...) Anyways, Nate Stretch and Matt McKenna sang this song, and you have to realize that these are two very funny people. They had straight faces and strained voices (strained as in, it's a sad song so we will emphasize that fact) and belted out this song. It was a funny moment. Anyways, here it is:
Best Deceptions
I heard about your trip.
I heard about your souvenirs.
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights,
and the cool guys that you spent them with.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.

Don't you see, don't you see,
that the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.
So kiss me hard
'cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
and this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips will be of service
to keeping you away.

I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm.Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late
too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes.

anyways, that's it. Oh and...thousand pardons for not publishing the philosophy post, I am just not in the mood yet. I don't feel like being all intellectual just yet.

2004-10-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

Non a Blog o al Blog, Cio e la Domanda<---trying out some Italian.
So (en medias res), apparently I have really soft hands. Thanks Craig for pointing that out. It brightened my day and made working at the shop more enjoyable. Just to let you know, in case you want hands as soft as mine, I wash them in the morning, put an insane amount of hand sanitizer on them, moisturize with Roots Spirit Body Lotion and Clinique body lotion.

*note: I am writing this blog out by hand at work, it is making the day go by faster*

I just realized that I forgot my Vivaldi cd. It's a shame because Vivaldi goes so well with coffee shops. So does Sixpense None the Richer, that's weird. So now I am listening to this weird song by Silverchair Miss You Love. Good song, good song, I am not putting out the lyrics. I have a song in mind that I am going to quote later on (my favourite Dashboard Confessional song). People who come into the shop comment on my choice of music. Usually I am listening to Dashboard or Jewel, it's funny seeing customers expressions when I play Britney Spears or Opera (wow, quite the difference I know, and I am not admitting here that I like Britney Spears, oh my no). I like building a rapport with the regulars that come into the store. So far I have a few favourites. The Honda Dealership guy that has a cute, weird voice (he's older, but no worries, I won't hit on him....I can see you laughing Carrie). He always orders a cappuccino with cinnamon. Kathy, she works at the bank, and smells really nice. She gets MEd. Decaf. with milk....low on the octane (our little joke). And then there is my old cat lady who comes in and tells me stories about her cat. She has got to be in her 80's, and just a doll. She has me make her whatever I feel like making her. Last time I made her a peppermint tea. Anyways, it's kind of fun working there. I mean there are many setbacks, and such but that comes with any job.

Today was a really strange day. I spent the night on my couch close to the washroom, wide awake. I've been pretty spastic lately. HA! I know I know, I'm always spastic, but more so today. I had to run some errands today, and smell some pencils (don't ask). So, here I am driving along this street and I need to change lanes, so withouth looking over into my blindspot I move over and practically sideswipe a volkswagan. I felt so horrible. Usuaully I am a very cautious driver, but I guess I had too much on my mind today. Way to set the heart rate off again.

Church las night was amazing. Worship was surreal. Taylor and I seem to be clicking really well. He sings and plays the guitar. When we get our recordings I'll be sure to let you all hear!!!

10/05 addendum
This insomniac finally got some sleep!! It's weird waking up after like four hours of sleep feeling extremely rested. I fell asleep last night with frozen spoons on my eyes. When I woke up the spoons were on my chest and weren't so cold anymore. Strange strange feeling.

I still in thinking about Sunday mode. My pastor does this thing where he will open up the floor for people to talk. Usually he asks "what is God speaking to you about" and he will call people up to just share their hearts. He selected my mother, and she, being a wonderful public speaker, just shared alittle of what is on her heart. It was really nice, but I got to thinking...how would I word what God has been showing me lately, through my alone time with him. The phrase "There Must be More Than This" keeps popping itself into my head. It is exactly what God is taking me through in many different facets of my life. We think we have all of God, or enough of God-we just take what we need of Him. But in truth, there is so much more that we can't even comprehend. In my own personal life I battle thoughts that tear me down, thoughts that could eventually cause death. How come I can't trust God? There is so much more then I am letting myself realize. It's like the phrase "All this and Heaven too!" Anyways, I'm rambling...

2004-10-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

Body
I debated with myself whether or not to say what is on my heart or publish my completed post on Aristotle and Realism. I want to do justice to my previous post, rather than just leave it hanging. I said I wouldn't write on my previous post again. I wouldn't touch on the issue, but I think that there is so much more to be said.

As Christians we work together as a body for the goal of edifying each other and furthering the kingdom. Each of us have seperate roles which display our giftings and our abilities to serve within the body. Our role in interacting with other members of the said body is to encourage and build up. When my arm is itchy because I have a mosquito bite I use my hand to help ease the annoying itch. When I am cold, my hands are used to rub the coldness away. When one part of the body suffers we are to suffer along with it. When it weeps, we weep; when it laughs, we laugh. We are to carry each others burdens, not as though they are our own, but as though we are helping the other member. I am not strong enough to carry my sickness alone, whatever you are carrying may be to heavy a load, to much of a burden to carry by yourself. We need others who can help carry it with us.

I exort you to make yourself known to your fellow brothers and sisters, tell them that you will support them in whatever it may be. In my previous post it talks about cancer. Do we really think that cancer victims can carry that load? I think not. Many other diseases and illnesses leave the victim feeling extremely alone in their sufferings; it makes them feel helpless, powerless and often a burden to those surrounding them. I know, I am there. It is time we do our share in encouraging one another and building them up, and I am speaking to myself here as well.

If you know someone who is depressed today, take their hand and weep with them, hold them, let them pour out their all to you, and take it to Jesus. If you know someone who is hanging on to life by a thread, offer support, cry with them, lead them to the foot of the cross. Minister to them the way Jesus has ministered to you in your own pains. If someone you know is celebrating the birth of a child, laugh and rejoice with them, don't not support because you feel that you might be in the way, or that you might be stepping on their toes. You are not, not at all. We are created as relational beings, each of us with seperate personalities and uniquenesses that lend to our reaching out.

If you need support, climb on my back and we will do it together. If you can't down another can of ensure, I will do it with you. If all you can do is cry and ask why, I will cry with you. Don't ever be afraid to ask for support, don't ever be afraid to lend support. Don't be afraid to call that friend in the middle of the night and say, I can't do it, help me. You may have exactly what they are looking for, you may have that word that keeps them from falling off the edge. Reach out, take the hand of someone that you know who needs support.

2004-10-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

Awareness
This is a hard post. Italicized parts are exerpts from a dear friend's blog.

I know that each of us has been affected in one form or the other by some type of cancer. Some of us have family members who lost against the war on cancer, some of us have friends who have been touched, some of us are fighting our own battles with various types of cancer.

If we are ever going to find a cure for this, we need all of the "awareness" we can get. Not only to breast cancer(s), but also for ovarian, brain, lung, bone, kidney, and a host of other cancers. These too need awareness, prevention, and early care.

Some facts:
Facts:
Every 13 minutes a woman dies of breast cancer.
Breast cancer is the second
cause of death for of women between the ages 35 and 54.
Every three minutes, a new case of breast cancer is diagnosed.
Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death for women between the ages of 40 and 59.
75% of all breast growths, whether malignant or benign, are discovered during self-breast examination.
The smallest detectable lump is about 2-3 mm and could contain approximately one billion cancer cells.
In 2004~ An estimated 215,990 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed in the United States and an estimated 40,110 women will die.

do self exams, stay up-to-date on your mammograms, have a yearly physical . . . do whatever it takes to prevent statistics from rising in 2005.

In my own family we have a history of cancer. I understand the severity of it, and how it affects not only the person's life, but their family and friend's lives as well. I wont write anything else on this issue. I get to overcome by emotions. Please remember these stats, remember the hell that this monster causes, and pray for those around you who are fighting tooth and nail.

I will praise you Jesus praise you
When the tears fall still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Father praise you
Through my suffering still I will sing

2004-10-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

October
I adore this month, along with May, but for very different reasons. October represents the end of a harvest, the hard work people have put into creating, maintaining and helping their crops flourish. I love the smell of October. Everyone has their gas stoves on, and it is such a welcoming smell. The colours are fantastic. I am amazed at the handiwork of God's hand as creation prepares to die for a season. It is just beautiful. I like wearing a jacket and going for walks with orange and yellow leaves spinning at my feet. This season leaves me feeling thankful, not only because of Thanksgiving, but because of the beautifulness that I see as I drive on the long country roads. It is a much nicer view then flat, green.
I wrote out this new list for you all to read. I think that when you read something personal, such as a blog, you need to know about the person. You need to know what makes them tick (so to speak). So without any further adieu:
101 Things You May Not Know About Me

1. I love the colour blue
2. I am one of the only people in my whole family with blue eyes
3. I have short fingernails (not as short as Sarah's)
4. I want to live in an African tribe and share the gospel with them
5. I like to breathe
6. I am fascinated by pictures
7. I am fascinated with taking pictures, I view the world from a camera lense
8. The ocean is my favourite spot on earth
9. I like to think
10. I like classical and opera music
11. My favourite Flowers are daisies, and calla lilies
12. I like to people watch
13. When I sing, or play the piano I get lost
14. I have always been preppy
15. My mother is one of my closest friends. We are almost inseperable.
16. I had orange pee once, as well as red, but never pink
17. Unfortunately My sister and I don't get along very well.
18. Europe is my favourite continent
19. I let a kangaroo eat out of my hand
20. I hate snakes, bats, frogs and spiders very very deeply.
21. I always give the benefit of the doubt, which gets me introuble
22. I got 95% in math one year, and failed it miserably the next year
23. I can't stand the colour yellow
24. I like to proofread, but never my own work
25. I love Shakespeare
26. I have two deep dark secrets that I will never tell anyone
27. I want a library like the one in Beauty and the Beast (also my favourite animated movie)
28. French is my favourite language
29. I am pretty deaf (ear infections for years and years as a child. My equilibrium is really bad)
30. My toes, knees and fingers are always red, blue and purple
31. I was engaged
32. I only know two card games">games">games">games (solitaire and Egyptian Rat Screw)
33. I don't trust
34. I have reached near death
35. I love listening to people's stories
36. I want to own a Villa in Tuscany and rent it out to retiring missionaries
37. I hate mirrors
38. I hate the fact that I never sleep
39. Very few people have seen me cry.
40. Very few people know why I cry.
41. I accidentaly burned my eyebrows off in some freak gas stove episode. They haven't grown back properly yet and it has been 5 years.
42. I don't like watching t.v.
43. I am always cold, even during a heat wave
44. There are a few people that I appreciate very much and they don't know it.
45. I don't like rabbits, especially ones named Karl.
46. I have never had Buckley's Cough Medicine
47. I was born into a family of gifted teachers
48. I don't want to be a teacher-not this month anyways
49. I wear a tank top under every shirt I wear
50. I try not to hurt people, and when I do it makes me feel sick
51. Making this list will forever take away my desire to ever make another list again.
52. I used to love making lists
53. I was born into a family of list makers
54. I like disco music
55. I pretend that I can dance to disco music
56. I love mashed potatoes and gravy (turkey gravy)
57. Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday.
58. I have only been away from my family on two holidays. Thanksgiving in Portugal
and Christmas in Australia.
59. I never want to experience a warm Christmas again
60. My favourite song is October, by Amy Lee
61. I can't read in a car
62. I feel sick when I am in standard cars (ie: my mother's)
63. I love the colour scheme of my mother's bathroom- burnt yellow (muted, no shine,
and a muted green-sage I guess)
64. My favourite number is 482
65. I like Caroline Hererra
66. I like shrimp
67. I find ironing theraputic
68. I am obsessed with ironing starch
69. I used vinegar for the first time today in my laundry-in place of fabric softener
I am hooked!
70. I hate saying goodbye, especially when I won't ever see the person again
71. I dislike sitting on an unMoving">Moving">Moving">Moving">Moving">Moving">Moving">moving airplane
72. I am not happy-go-lucky
73. I have never picked my nose
74. I have an unnatural fear of peeing in public places.
75. I got hit by a van when I was 15, while riding my bike
76. Libraries make me anxious, yes I love books and reading
77. I dislike Chocolate very much
78. I haven't fallen up a set of stairs for a very long time
79. When I was 16 I blacked out and fell down my basement stairs, to this day
I still have back pain.
80. I have been a Christian for 15 years
81. John Donne is my favourite poet
82. My favourite girl names are Abigail, Sophia and Madelyn
83. My favourite boys names are Elijah, Benjamin and Kai
84. My favourite word is 'auspicious'
85. I think Chinese food smells really gross
86. My favourite books in the Bible are Romans and Ephesians
87. I am meticulous and organized
88. Learning is a passion I have
89. Chapters is my favourite book store, I could live there
90. I have played the piano since I was six
91. I respond to music
92. I wanted to go to Juliard
93. I took sign language lessons and used to use it as a form of "secret
communication" with a friend during boring church services.
94. I was homeschooled during a teacher strike and then decided to go to school
in Portugal
95. I went to a Portuguese restaurant and had to order my own meal (turns out
I ordered something very, very wrong)
96. I hate olives
97. I went through the infamous "Blossom" phase, hat and all.
98. I want four kids, maybe not.
99. Got accpeted to a University in Hawaii to do a music/worship Christian
Worker degree (I said it wrong...I don't know the technical term), I turned
down the offer.
100. I decided that 13 years was too long to use up in taking a neuro psychology
graduate school program (which I don't think I would have ever gotten into....
it is so competitive and my average is not quite what they want). So I picked English instead, a passion of mine. I think I regret it. Maybe not.
101. I hate seeing people in pain, and wish that I could take it all away.

So, that is my list, maybe you learned sometihng new. Maybe not. In any case, I learned a bit about myself. Have a fabulous weekend. I will try and have the Realism in Education">Education">Education">Education published by the end of this weekend. I am not in school right now and I still procrastinate!!! It is almost done, I promise.

2004-09-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

09/30 Addendum
Results of my eyes exam- luckily my perscription hasn't significantly changed, although it changed enough for a new pair of glasses. So far, in trying on 50 or so pairs I have come to the conclusion that my head is very small, and the only pair of glasses that fit were Sponge Bob Square Pants frames. No kidding. They glow in the dark. I tried on adult glasses and they all come out to far past my face. I don't like Dutch bone structure. I think I will be like the only 2* year old person wearing Disney and Sponge Bob glasses...hmm I wonder if Hilary Duff has a line? or even Mary-Kate and Ashley? I was thinking though, if I got the radio active pair (the squiggles on the sides light up) I could wear them with my glow-in-the-dark pyjamas. How exciting, if I were ten. In other news, I have been pre approved for another VISA card. Maybe I will buy six pairs of Sponge Bob glasses. Life just keeps on getting more and more exciting.

Whatever
I have decided that I am a fountain of useless knowledge, as in the trivial pursuit knowledge. Don't ask me why I've come to this conclusion, maybe I played one to many rounds of strip trivial pursuit, or because I just naturally find out obscure information. Regardless, I always get my pies when I play t.p (as in not toilet paper). I promised a blog series a while back on Philosophy of Education">Education, I started off with Rousseau and naturalism and then it branched out to include the likes of Maria Montessori and then I did alittle reading on Froebel. I think I started out to huge. Rousseau is a big undertaking and I didn't build myself a foundation on which to stand. Fret not, a blog is in the process of being written (I am half way through)-we will start off easy, alittle Aristotle and Realism, and then comparison with Idealism...I will probably publish that in a day or so.
I have been trying to set my mind on whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is noble. I find that when I get down focusing on those kinds of things brings a sort of temporary release. I was doing that in the coffee shop today and I found myself writing a list of things. It is another list of things I like, but not a set in stone list. More of a list that made me happy for a while.
hoodies
the smell of my perfume
the colour purple
hugs from Vicki
hair elastics
the crisp air
putting cotton balls in my ears
falling asleep after a deep discussion
the smell of Chai tea
American Eagle Outfitters- I could live there
The Gap
Khakis
radio active garments
my nicknames- Leia (from my mum), rica roo- I love it, GG-priceless
brushing my teeth
clear nail polish
listening

So that was my list. I can get extremely bored at work, so much so that I watched a Britney Spears music video and listened to Chariots of Fire. Ok ok, so I enjoyed listening to Chariots of Fire. Le Sigh.
I decided on my next car. It took a while and extensive research, but I am settling with my original idea of a Volkswagan Jetta-Midnight blue or black, leather interior etc. If you would like to change my mind, make yourself known, because I am () this close to making a final decision.

2004-09-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

Photos

Another photo of my beautiful kitty

Sarah in the snow

Carrie in the snow

Licks Girls :) (good times) (Sarah, Kate, Erica, Marleen, PEanut, Jenna, Carrie, Lisa)

2004-09-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

Whoa, Long Break
I took a longer break than I had originally planned. It is weird to be back. Even signing into check my email was alittle weird...heh...Anyways these are the thingsd I learned while I was on my mini sabbatical
*people who don't stop at a four way stop should be shot. Yes, it was my right of way, yes you almost slammed into my car, yes I am mad. No, I am not dead, but shaken.
*not eating any salt makes me feel really dizzy
*I like wearing my hair up, instead of down...
*sleep can be rather good.
I did alittle reading this weekend. Philosophical and Ideological Thoughts on Education (something like that), anyways, the book would probably make you puke depending on what you like to read etc. I loved it, this is my second time through, and it is a sort of text book, but I enjoy reading text books. I am anticipating what I should write next about education. I took some spiffy notes, I should be putting them here soon. Anyways, that's all. Oh wait, I had a funny conversation with my mom. We were talking about modeling. She was saying that she went to the Eileen Ford agency in Toronto (decades ago) to model and got accepted. She was saying that I should be a model, and then came her greatest advice ever- join their drug parties, only eat a piece of lettuce a day...she didn't mean it in a bad way, it just came out funny. (merci, ma jolie maman)!
******************************************************************************************
An Addendum
I came home from work sick today, it was great. I had two awful calls (awful as in a poor, little, ninety-two year old lady that was getting slammed by the phone company, and I spent 20 minutes trying to calm her down, she was crying. We sort of bonded, I said, "honey it's going to be alright, I'll walk you through this and we will figure out this phone thing." The poor woman thought that she wouldn't be able to talk to her family again.) Second call, just someone who didn't give a "rat's a** about his phone service and that I am a b****. No big deal. Anyways, I felt kind of panicky so I came home. Judging Amy's season premiere aired tonight (Sarah, I bet you are excited). Anyways, end of addendum.

2004-09-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

Harder to Breathe
I really like the band Maroon 5 (they make me happy). I just like them, that's all, no big speel about why I like them. I will include some lyrics here in a minute.
Tomorrow is shopping day. I have made a few personal goals and have tried to meet them, haven't really succeeded, but I've tried. If I am correct it is Pavlov who created the theory where you are rewarded for doing something right, and punished for doing something wrong.
So My Lists of Rewards:
1. Angels in America DVD
2. Hoddie from American Eagle Outfitters
3. Another pair or glow in the dark long underwear

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I am walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
.:Maroon 5:.

2004-09-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

Coffee Time
*grandparents came to visit
*stupid coffee machines leaked all over me, I smell very cafienated right now.
*old ladies are very cute, I had a conversation with one of the regulars about cats, she comes to visit me everyday. Today was her Iced Cappuccino day (Friday will be the Chocolate milkshake day)
*Chai tea is simply amazing
*I really love my grandparents
Oh on a serious note: my step grandmother's daughter's boyfriend (also my mechanic) has to go in for a serious lymph node surgery this week, keep him in your prayers.
Another Erica Quote: "I wore less clothes especially for you today" (the last time this guy came in to get an iced cappuccino it spilled on my clothes and he said I would have to do something about that). None of this was perverted at all, but my quote...definitely a reason for Freud to rejoice.
.....................................................................................
Later on this Evening
I did the dumbest thing today. I work nights somewhere other than the coffee shop, and I usually go for a walk on my break with my friend. Today I got distracted and walked right into a street lamp pole. My head really hurts now
>

2004-09-22T06:52:00.000-07:00

Cheeriness
Alright, so I will post a bit of cheeriness today. I will probably include a few lists as I find that making them leaves me feeling happy and content (really I am not a Type A). The weather has been beautiful lately, and when I go for my morning jogs I find myself wanting to go a bit further just to be outside. Hopefully this year it won't snow. Right, I don't think so. I did laundry this morning and the smell of fabric softener is wafting through the lower part of my house, that smell makes me happy. I will be going into the coffee shop in a few hours and thinking of the smell of the iced cappuccino that will spill all over me makes me happy. Another thing is people seem to like me there, my tips are increasing. Maybe Craig will have my Will Farrell stuff downloaded so I can watch funniness at work, that makes me happy.
Today is Hump Day, that really means nothing. However tomorrow is pay stub Thursday and I will find out how much I made so that I can buy the Angels in America DVD. It has Meryl Streep, I will buy anything with Meryl Streep in it.
I found some interesting news (Shar, don't worry I won't mention the beets) the planet Venus is 480 degrees C (and I was thinking, no wonder women are from Venus, that's hot).
Carrie-a 10 Things quote: "I am more then a fan of Shakespeare, we're involved"
and Erica quote last night in conversation with Scott "when someone slips you their tongue, slips yours back" <-- that is definitely quote board worthy.

List of Top Movies:
1. The Hours
2. One True Thing
3. American Beauty
4. 50 First Dates
5. Angels in America
6. Beauty and the Beast
7. Girl With the Pearl Earring
8. Virgin Suicides (Scott, I had to watch it sans you, I am sorry).
9. Shakespeare in Love
10. Taming of the Shrew (with Liz Taylor)

Music in my cd player:
1. Box Car Racers
2. my new worship cd-"when tears fall" or "I've Had Questions" (duh, I forget the title...)
3. Vivaldi
4. Sixpence None the Richer
5. Orfeo ed Euridice (an Opera)
6. Natalie Merchant

This song is on my new worship cd, and my worship band plays it at church, it is so nice...actually maybe I Will include two songs (if you're lucky).
Beautiful One
Wonder so wonderful is your unfailing love,
Your cross has spoken mercy over me.
No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
No heart can fully know,
How glorious, how beautiful you are.

Beautiful One, I love
Beautiful One, I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing.

Powerful, so powerful Your glory fills the skies,
Your mighty works displayed for al to see.
The beauty of Your majesty awakes my heart to sing,
How marvelous, how wonderful You are

You've opened my eyes to you wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love,
Cause nothing on earth is as beautiful as You.

Beautiful One, I love
Beautiful One, I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing.

Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be you name, in the land that is plentiful,
Where Your streams of abundance flow;
Belssed be Your name
And blessed be your name, when I'm found in the desert place,
Though I walk through the wilderness
Belssed be Your name.

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise,
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say,

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name.

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's all "as it can be",
Blessed be your name
And blessed be your name on the road marked iwth suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be your name.

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise,
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say,

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say,
Blessed be Your name.

2004-09-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

Deliverance and Friendship
There are many things that are going on in my head right now. I feel good today. I made some goals, no progress, but the thought of the future is slightly warming. This journey, this battle has been fought alone. There is an understanding that youcan't understand what is going on. Does that make sense? You may have said "oh, why are you doing this, I mean you have nothing to worry about". That is the stupidest thing you have ever told me. What is going on is far beyond what you can see. It has nothing to do with how my pants actually fit. It has to do with a mentality that your pretty words cannot change. I understand your ignorance, and your lack of knowledge in this area, and I forgive you. Just don't say pretty things that you think will make things better. "oh Erica, don't be silly" doesn't change the thoughts in my head, not at all.
My friend has done the greatest thing for me, and I am floored. He pointed out the passage of scripture that talks about carrying each others burdens and when someone weeps, we weep with them etc. Although he has no idea what goes on in my head--has told me that this next part of the journey I will not have to fight alone, whether that be digression or remission.
I have been in sentimental moods lately, moods where nostalgia is enveloping. I think my sleeping patterns have a lot to do with it. Whatever.

2004-09-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

This One's For You
Before I begin, my friend Kevin pointed out a very interesting thing. If you noticed certain words on my blog such as 'bed' 'sex' 'internet' 'analyst' 'mba' etc. have been highlighted as a link. This is due to some stupid search miracle thing. Please do not click on those links. I am not sure what happens...just ignore them, and don't think I am some pervert that likes linking to Sex">sex, and Bed">beds or anything. (uh see what I mean)

Carrie, I heard a few quotes today and thought of you:
"ahh black panties
What does that mean?
She wants to have Sex">sex someday"

"Kissing is not the reason I am up to my elbows in placenta everyday"

And this is for you Sarah, I tried it once again...(drum roll please)

2004-09-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

I Know the Thoughts...
my finger just started bleeding, bloody finger-why now?
I just made plans to go back and visit RUC (Redeemer University-for those of you who are out of the loop). I am uber excited about this. There are so many people that I haven't seen for months. My fault sort of, I was in Burlington once and could have popped over to see Mr. I-Don't-Want-To-Be-Pounced and I think I did have a movie date to see Shrek 2 with Peanut (do we still call her Peanut?...it's been so long). I did get to see Marleen Jellybean a lot over the summer, just because we were in the right place at the right time, and not because she lives two minutes from my house (or do I live two minutes from her house? I forget). I also was attacked by Kate in Limeridge. I would like to replay this...I was in Campus Crew (my second favourite store) looking at some tee shirts with my mom. Digression: I shop with my mother often because she has the best judgement of how my butt looks in pants...I don't trust my friends...heh. End. When my mother looked away and I hear "ERICA!!!!!!!" and suddenly a person has flung themselves onto my back. It was Kate...we talked about how hot our moms were (oh dear, Freud could have a hay day on that one) and you know, we had a typical Kate and Erica conversation. It was great. And I saw Sarah once was it? Yeah the time I almost forgot to pick you up at 7 A.M. at Tim Horton's. Riiiight. One of us needs to not work for our friendship to work. I figure when we are older you will be on perpetual maternity leave (seeing as you are marrying a Dutchman) so, things will be better in a few years. And I saw Carrie, who had to wear a Moosehead on her birthday. Did we take pictures of that by the way? The look on her face was priceless, little did the waitress know, but we were celebrating my birthday as well...*phew* no moosehead for me.
I was thinking, with me visiting the place where most of my adult memories have been had I would share a few, and maybe some pictures. Guys if you can think of any memorable RUC moments, please share :)
#1 Finding out I had a twin. First year, semester one: I was sitting in the cafeteria going over my schedule for the upcoming day when I was pounced on by some freak, yes he is a freak I can have anyone attest to that. Hey started laughing about something and kept calling me Sarah. I was like "dude, I think you are mistaking me for someone else". First year, semester two: some girl "so like I got this guitar pick from a jars of clay concert..."
me: *yawn* "oh that's nice"
freak who pounced on me: "hey, this is that girl that looks like you, you two confuse me all the time"
we've been friends ever since.
#2 Flying with Hannah....enough said. My hip bones still make funny noises sometimes.
#3 Secret Santa- why did I always end up getting thongs?
#4 My car, which consisted of two van bench seats in the back hallway...buckle up!
#5 french class, everytime I went there I swear I felt like I was having a heart attack.
#6 sleepovers with the girls-"don't lift up the blanket"
#7 "Ack, I peed out my knowledge" -on of my theories
#8 doing the Philmont walk
#9 Grabbing Kate's butt right infront of her professor and proceeding to say "oh crap I just grabbed Kate's butt right infront of Norman"
#10 leaving chapel after the singing
#11 the g-spot-we had our moments, eh sarah...even after we got divorced. Ummm, well that sentance didn't turn out to sound anything like it really means. (this study spot was named for a broken g-string...on a guitar)
#12 skipping in the rain, in the quad at redeemer with Carrie...in full view of the whole flipping school
#13 pole dancing
#14 jammin' with the band- a group of very talented musicians I might add
#15 going to Australia with Kate (remember the airport on the way home...the thing that got stuck in your luggage)
#16 the light sabre that Kate gave me, along with oil and hand cuffs. I am still embarrassed.
#17 freudian slips, made by all
#18 poutine
#19 learning about a certain double digit number in the 60's, in the washroom with Kate. A conversation overheard by a professor of mine who never let me live that moment down.
#20 Kate running down a student packed hallway picking me up and spinning me...a daily occurance...weird, I know.
And here are a few pictures of my memories:

Kate and Jenna-Belle :)

2004-09-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

Parliament Hill, Ottawa

2004-09-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

My favourite Portuguese Castle

2004-09-19T23:29:00.000-07:00

my fat princess cat

2004-09-19T23:22:00.000-07:00

A Final Redeemer Memory

2004-09-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

It's As Though...
I can't write. When I sit to write an essay for school there is this faucet like happening that takes place in my mind. Stream of consciousness is probably a good term to describe it, and no I do not have ADD by the way. My thoughts don't stop until my paper is finished and I have typed twenty or more pages, usually gibberish (until proof read). During this outpouring I go into a sort of writers trance, I am oblivious to things around me, I can't focus on anything but what I am writing on. The feeling, if I can give you an image, is like holding your breath as you are tossed about in the ocean. Like the body, being tossed about gasping for air, so are my thoughts, trying to stop. This is a very welcoming feeling for me, it lets me know that I am normal, I can still write. This isn't happening for me anymore. I tried to keep myself occupied at the coffee shop the other day, so I got out my favourite pen and notebook and just penned out words, thoughts, phrases that came to mind; thingsthat would spark that normal feeling that I once had. A few words I jotted down are: pedestrian socialist collectiveness, piercingly chilly, bombastic, sub-surrealist melancholy, stripped esthetics-all words that stamped themselves into my memory as I read this certain novel.
I'm going out onto a crazy limb here in asking if it is ok to want to die, without being classified as insane or suicidal? I know, that is empty and shallow of me, inane perhaps. I am not a psychopath by any means, so please don't get any ideas. I am very tired, alittle weak, frusterated maybe, I don't know. What this world has to offer does not bring me satisfaction any longer. I have no want to continue, no desire. This all sounds berserk, I know. I'd rather have Jesus, than silver or gold. Please don't say "this too shall pass" "oh don't worry, the grass is greener on the other side" I don't want to hear it. This unsatsfaction will never pass, this desire to have all of Jesus won't diminish until I am with Him. This sin that I have carried with me for 10 years, will be there forever, my desire to live in a mountain cave in Tibet will never happen unless I magically turn into a goat.
It's ok though. Everyone has these days right? These winter seasons?

2004-09-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

Doped Up and Strung Out
~This week has been interesting so far. Interesting as in- why don't we just forget it ever happened and move on.
~Listening to disco music really loudly, really late at night makes you wake up feeling sick (disco fever, perhaps? my head is like a disco inferno, no worries, I will survive)
~slept on my mother's bedroom floor last night (I was having a rough night). Somehow I find that sleeping near my mother is very comforting.
~not sure what is worse-going down hill or climbing up hill.
~pray for my brother's girlfriend, if you feel like it. Her grandmother died yesterday.
~I was searching for mountanous Tibetan real estate online earlier today. Apparently if I want to live in a mountain I have to be a goat or Buddhist. What is this world coming to?
~I overuse the word "meh" therefore making myself seem uninterested. If I have ever used that word in conversation with you, and you felt ignored, snubbed, whatever, I apologize.
~Is it stupid to read the same book eight times?
~purchased and fell inlove with a new perfume Roots Spirit.
~i need to put oil in my car, don't let me forget.
~I came across a blog of someone who attends Redeemer. He is blogging installments of Spiritual Laundry. I am very impressed with his openness and desire to purify Himself in Christ. There comes a point in life when we become unsatisfied with how things have turned out. We make mistakes, sin (a lot) and stray away from God. This student is very open about his sins, and willingness to give it all to God. His honesty is encouraging. I could never be that open about my secret sins and mistakes. They are just nothing I would care to share with my whole school and some of the teaching faculty...:P Anyways, I was impressed.

"...take me home, I'm through fighting this..."

2004-09-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

Sarah
Sarah, you left a comment on my last blog entry. Thanks. Here is a response since I can't seem to respond to you using my comment system...weird:

I knew it was you just by the way it sounded, it was typical Sarah hyperness...:) yeah we do have to do something sometime: climb trees, go sailing, eat tacos, grate cheese, throw maple keys in the air, drink Five Alive, share a chocolate bar, comb each others hair, visit a sperm donor clinic, translate the Bible into Cockney, cut out paper dolls, sing Oklahoma until we pass out, rent the Taj Mahal for a night and make a movie, swim in a vat of Oil of Olay, we could go camping and when we wake from our exhaustion enduced slumber we can sit on the beach in parkas and half chairs yelling (at the people having a good time with their families) that "THE WINTER IS COMING AND YOU DON'T LOOK DRESSED THE PART", and after when we become roomates in the "infamous" rubber room we can play freeze tag and be on the same team only tagging others that come in. We could perhaps also redo Meowmix commercials, call an escort service and go window shopping, we could go for the best two out of three in a bar fight, dance to Funkytown in the middle of the quad at Redeemer, go to an "R" rated movie and laugh really really loudly at all the bad scenes, like prepubescent teens, we can eat candy by 3's, we could go to TIm Horton's for coffee, or we could go to Swiss Chalet and demand that they make us prok chops (and tofu for me). BUt Sarah, the choice is ultimately up to you :) I miss you and that is what matters.

Oh and by the way, I figured out how to put a tag board on this thing. My computer skills are getting better...Philmont, you'd be soo proud of me :P

2004-09-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

A Nice Break
I had a nice weekend. Niagara Falls was superb, and the weather was absolutely perfect, although at one point it did get alittle hot. We took one of those 'Journey Behind the Falls' tours and had to wear these ugly yellow rain coat things. We went out onto the deck which is really close to the falls and I got soaking wet, and I was wearing white, yeah not so good :( Fortunately I had my favourite Old Navy Hoodie (that Aaron bought me), it covered me until I dried off. Niagara Falls just gets better and better whenever I go, I never get sick of it, even though I live so close to it and see it so often. My only disappointment was the candy shop; it used to be so big and filled with tons of old and newer candy, now it just has fudge (however, I could be thinking about the Canada's Wonderland Candy shop...I forget where it was now...) and I don't like fudge.
Sunday was Karlie's birthday, we recouperated from having a house full of 15 and 16 year old people (crazy times). It was fun though, the energy and creativeness that teens possess these days is super cool. I wish I was that young again :P
Anyways, that's is all from me. I have a lot of cleaning to do.
A little list before I go:
~I love disco music
~this weekend I learned how to disco dance, watch out...when Y.M.C.A starts playing.
~I want to buy the newer Avril Lavigne cd (plus a bunch of disco cd's)
~nestea made with green tea is now my favourite
~I made perogies for the second time, and they were much better tasting, I am on a roll
~saw lots of movies this weekend (Papparazzi-in theatres), 50 First Dates, The Punisher, Zoolander (I am a good Eugooglizer...good times)
~Laughed my butt off at this movie quote: Hip...hip...hip hop anonymous..You GIVE HIM ALL THE EASY ONES!!! (taken from Big Daddy)
~slept in until 9 o'clock (felt good)
"wonderful, so wonderful is your unfailing love...beautiful one I love, beautiful one I adore, beautifuol one my heart longs for"

2004-09-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Moments Like These
We all have our moments. I have many of them. Many where I do something that makes me feel really smart, dumb, nice, etc. For the past few days my computer has been acting up. It will just shut down right in the middle of things. I am no computer whiz, but I decided to check it out and see if I could diagnose the problem. I thought I had figured out what it was and prepared myself to re install Windows and a bunch of other things. No big deal and very inexpensive. I turned on my computer today and decided to read some blogs, when all of the sudden it happened again, and I looked down at my feet and saw that I had hit the power bar switch. That was my problem all along.
Moral of the Story: when you think you are smart, it turns out you are actually retarded.

2004-09-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

Odds and Ends
I am reading Eva Hoffman's "Exit into History." It is about her journey back to her native land of Poland. I have thoroughly enjoyed the first five pages. I wish I had alittle more time to read the whole thing in one sitting. Next book will be "Lost in Translation" by same said author. Has anyone seen that movie, by any chance? It has Bill Murray in it? I am wondering if it is worth renting (I enjoy Sofia Coppola). I am also reading a text book that deals with the psychology of education. Craig, you will be thrilled to know that it has a chapter devoted to your dear Froebel. Mind you I still prefer Maria Montessori and Jean Jacques Rousseau, Froebel is a pretty interesting guy to say the least.
I have gotten myself into a pickle. I won't really say what it is, it is kind of funny, not serious at all, but it makes me very nervous. I know I know, you won't understand unless I tell you, but I am not going to do that...so scratch that whole thought out. Never mind...what? I don't know. Ok whatever.
Tomorrow I start my real paid day at the coffee shop. I am a tiddly bit nervous (yes that is a tiddly, not a tad). With the little pickle I am in plus starting this new job my nerves are shot. I could seriously throw up right now, but everything in me is trying to hold it together. Maybe come November 13th I will laugh my pants off.
I can't wait until the weekend. I am going away. I haven't seen Niagara Falls for a good year now so I am heading out there. It is nice to live so close to two of the world's wonders (Niagara Falls and Sarah...remember that stupid conversation Sarah?) Anyways, exciting stuff, I know. Good night all, and Good morning Craig, see you tomorrow...I am nervous so if I do anything stupid like flood your store again, don't fire me :P

2004-09-06T09:52:00.000-07:00

Weekend Update, Ramblings, and Maybe Some Other Stuff (If you are lucky)
~I am feeling better, yes, so I decided that maybe I could sit back down and blog. I sorted through my irrationalness and here I am...*sigh* I figure I will just start out small..you know nothing to big and dramatic while I am getting back into the swing of blogging. Too big all at once might be overwhelming (so that means I wont write anything about my philosophy of education continuation at the moment...which I still have to blog about soon...)
~I styled my hair differently yesterday (ooo exciting stuff). Yeah I curled it all and then moussed it and it went all funky...I haven't washed it yet so it is like everywhere, but I was excited about the new look...
~I played on the worship team all weekend, it was amazing. I really enjoy being a vehicle used to usher in God's presence. WOW, it was awesome.
~I made perogies. Many of you know that I have good intentions when I try to cook/bake/fry/microwave but nothing works, not even a PB&J sandwich. I am the master of burning everything I touch. I decided to try again, you know "if at first you don't succeed..." (in my case it is like "if for the first 8 zillion times of trying, you don't succeed, please don't ever try again"). I deep fried some perogies and they turned out sooooo good, much better than my mothers (which tasted like Chinese fortune cookies...heh). So, you know, if you ever want me to make you a meal or something...ask for perogies :)
~I am excited about not going back to school. I have a few reasons...which I will list (this is kind of Shakespearesque...he writes plays within plays...I write lists within lists)
#1. Excited because I have never not gone to school. I have been in school since I was four. This will be like an extended summer vacation that turns into winter. However I won't just be relaxing. I have a lot of reading to do. I was born for school, I can't just not learn. So I have some philosophy books and a whole ton of novels which I will read.
#2. Excited because I won't have to worry about deadlines, that tends to stress me out, which makes my heart go funny and some other stress related issues. So this will be a time of de-stressing myself and healing I suppose
#3. I don't have to go back to Redeemer University. Yes, I am a tad bit excited about this. I have been there for four years, which is enough time to grow tired of it. I won't have to see their stupid indoor canopies, I won't have to deal with Zach in the financial office, I won't have to deal with the registrar's office (not naming any names) and I won't have to stare at the history faculty all semester. I finished my English major, and the english teachers are easier to look at then the history ones...I had to finish 5 more history courses to complete my major (I think)...
#4. I won't have that sickening feeling that I am getting the wrong degree. I will graduate with a B.A. in English and History when what I really wanted was a social working major...and psychology degree. Yeah, DUMB MISTAKE TO CHANGE MAJORS AT THE LAST MINUTE.
#5. More time to spend at church doing missions and doing worship for the retreats
~Today is a holiday, no working but getting paid for it...that is beautiful.
~too all my friends who are registering today HA HA! wait no, ummmm good luck in the upcoming year :)

2004-09-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

Blue Mourning
I think I am going to take a break from blogging. I am just not feeling it right now. I said a while back that I was going to take sabbatical, well...that would really come in handy right now. I would like to become a recluse and live in a mountain cave in Tibet. I have nothing left to say that I feel like sharing with the blogging community at the moment. This could just be a mood I am in, and you may see me blogging again tomorrow, I am not sure. This is not the end of Rhapsody in Black, not at all. I enjoy this outlet, it is a nice punching bag; something to transfer my anger, disappointment, joy, etc. onto. It has, in some way brought me closer to the RUC blogging community, which is nice. I enjoy reading professors blogs, and students alike. It is nice to read and learn of different perspectives and beliefs. It is nice to branch out of the said community and take in different perspectives from around the world, read of others joys and pains, get to know people on a level through words. I haven't met too many people outside of the Redeemer University Blogosphere, but the one(s) I have are such amazing people. You know what, I think I am just having an 'I feel fat day'...I could just be moody and angry. I think what I am doing here is saying I feel a bit out of control and instead of controling my food, I will control my blogging, something less harmful then food. I also think that my relationship with God, and my daily walk with him has sucked since I went on that retreat, no wonder I am feeling crappy. Never mind.

2004-08-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

And I Thought That I Was the Master of Freudian Slips
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

2004-08-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Weekend Retreat and Other Musings
I am speechless. I have been struggling with my thoughts and trying to write something that would make sense about this past weekend. Nothing seems to make sense. What I experienced this weekend was totally out of the ordinary. I am not sure if you have ever felt Jesus so close to you that it was almost like He was hugging you, but that is how I felt this whole weekend. I am still struggling for words here. It is hard to see yourself in God's eyes when you're not to pleased with yourself. I have strived for perfection in many areas of my life (academically, musically, physically, morally) and yet nothing seemed to find its way to perfection. I realized this weekend that I am perfect because I am made in the image of Christ. As a Christian we are all 'in His image' (that is something to ponder, it's huge). I realized that all my strivings were in vain, and that my actions towards myself and others hurt God. I know this may seem kind of un-understandable, I really can't put my thoughts into words, really. One glimpse of eternity, and knowing how much Jesus loves us makes the world seem a lot easier. Things start to hold a different type of importance; concerns aren't so important. My life in Christ as new meaning to it now. I spent so many years in this funk, trying to find myself, starving for perfection, craving something to fill the emptiness, wearing myself out..but just one glimpse of His love has overtaken the feelings that had me bound. That is what I learned this weekend.
(Monday):
Faith and I talked today. It is hard to talk to her because she is very childlike, very simple. I think I love her. If Jesus loved us so much that he would die for us, that surely includes Faith. We talked about blueberry suckers, holidays, children, birds and bees, new jobs, lipstick, etc. It was like talking to an old friend. I wonder if she still feels threatened by me?
My sister is the cutest thing alive. Her and I clash (very much so). We are like far apart in age, and totally different generations almost. Today felt different. I took her too the mall and we just looked at hair dye and stuff. I leant her a pair of jeans (which is a huge step for us...she is a punk, I am a prep, sharing clothes is almost forbidden). Tonight we laughed our butts off. Moments like these are priceless.
I want to say so much more, I want to talk about conversations that I have had recently, about books I have read, about playing in my worship band. I want to ask a plethora of questions, but I don't know where to start.
This song has been going through my head all day, I am going to share it because I know that it is for someone. I have posted it before, but repition is always good. It isn't a well known song as of yet, and if I had some way of recording and posting I would sing and play this song for you, but for now reading it will still work. Whatever ever you are going through today, this season, this chapter of your life, wherever you come from and whatever your religious background just know that Jesus loves you so very much.
I've Had Questions:
I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow I have known pain
But there's one thing that I'll cling to
You are faithful Jesus, you're true

When hope is lost I'll call you saviour
When pain surrounds I'll call you healer
When silence falls you'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my suffering
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender forever more

When hope is lost I'll call you saviour
When pain surrounds I'll call you healer
When silence falls you'll be the song within my heart

I will praise you I will praise you
When the tears fall so I will sing to you
I will praise you Jesus, praise you
Through the suffering still I will sing

2004-08-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hymns
I like hymns. Here are a few of my favourite :)

Softly and Tenderly:
Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
calling for you and for me;
see, on the portals he's waiting and watching,
watching for you and for me.
Refrain:
Come home, come home;
ye who are weary come home;
earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
calling, O sinner, come home!

Why should we tary when Jesus is pleading,
pleading for you and for me?
Why should we linger and heed not his mercies,
mercies for you and for me?
(Refrain)

Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,
passing from you and from me;
shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,
coming for you and for me.
(Refrain)

O for the wonderful love he has promised,
promised for you and for me!
Though we have sinned, he has mercy and pardon,
pardon for you and for me.
(Refrain)

Blessed Assurance:
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.
Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
angels descending bring from above
echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
(Refrain)

Perfect submission, all is at rest;
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
watching and waiting, looking above,
filled with his goodness, lost in his love.
(Refrain)

2004-08-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

Night, Sisters, and Other Unrelated Items
I had a great night. Not only was work fun, and I almost worked overtime, but the conversations were great. My great night only got better. I wont go into any details, but I am just really happy right now, really really.
Sometimes I don't understand teenagers (ie: my sister). Sometimes I want to kick her and sometimes I want to hug her, Ususally she just wants to sit with her obnoxious music and write in her journal, or talk to her plethora of boyfriends. I had to drive her to Dundas today for her horse riding lessons, which was fine by me. It's only about a 45 minute drive from my house, and you know....the drive there puts in some sister bonding time. She was supposed to meet her friens there and (from what she told me 5 seconds before she we left) her friend Greg was supposed to drive her home (I would be at work). I hop in my car and leave, right, no big deal. So I get home and on the phone xKarliEx had written a note to my mother saying "hey mum, yeah I was stupid to go horsebackriding. The Sopko's (her friends that met her in Dundas) are busy after lessons so I can't go to their house and Greg can't give me a ride baq. I'm gonna see if Sylvia can bring me baq, if not I'll call you and I'll never do this again unless I know that I'll have a ride. xKarliEx".....My thoughts: why the heck would you but everybody out if you know that plans aren't working out you selfish brat!!!!!!!!!!! I don't get it. I was never this stupid (then again I am the much much older, unconventionally wiser sister). Is that reason enough to kick her?
WEekend camping should be interesting. What began as camping inside a heated snack bar, with a microwave and couches (happy happy joy joy) turned into: unheated tent, no microwave and frogs and bats. Yeah I was really looking forward to sleeping on a couch in a heated room and calling it camping. Now I am roughing it. *sob* and on top of that, I have the beginnings of a cold. Why now, why me? Myabe I will just sleep in my car or something. Oh, and what kinds of foods do you bring camping? is tofu acceptable? Pray for me, seriously. I am such a princess when it comes to camping.
Anyways, that's it for me. I am not sure how much more I will post over the course of the weekend, as I wont be here. Have a great weekend, and enjoy the sunshine while it's here. Hey if you come here looking for something interesting and you don't find anything (during my weekend getaway) feel free to check out the links on the side. I reccommend that you don't read Sarah's, Elise's, Heidi Ellens's or Louis Dauphin's blog...they are all in hibernation, garvering, boring...hehe no I am joking. Au Revoir.

2004-08-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

Ana and Mia
Here are some pictures that may shock you. You don't have to look if you don't want, I understand completely. These are the reasons why I want to counsel girls with eating disorders.

2004-08-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

O Sleepless Night
{insert Christmas music here}
It wasn't like I planned this, and it even came as a surprise. What began as alittle mild flirting with time, turned into a full blown escapade. I didn't sleep a wink ;)Late night/early morning television is lacking in morality and decency; next time this happens I will rent a good movie. Eating food after about 2 A.M. tastes a bit different than usual. The morning after would be much thankful for a cup of coffee.
I'm tired, the bags under my eyes are drooping further down my face by the seconds, I can't see straight, and I am cold. Never again will I pull an alnighter, for any reason.
Work was strangely interesting last night. The atmosphere had lost almost all it's tension and it was buisness as usual. It was comfortable, enjoyable almost. Eleven weeks and counting, not somethng I am looking forward to.
This weekend I will be buying jeans, hairdye, camping food, and mittens. My friend Blaine and I are camping during the whole of the women's confrence at church. If you are from the Greater Hamilton/Toronto/Brantford/London area, or anywhere really, and you want to have a fantastic weekend, I encourage you to come out to my church. Oh there is just one requisite: you have to be a woman, they won't make you prove it or anything, but estrogen is highly encouraged as it is a said Women's Confrence. Come prepared to get your socks blessed off. All that said: I will be bundled up in my winter jacket and mittens, camping in some thin, unheated tent. Should I come back with a cold, I will be slightly perturbed.
...I am tired to the point of delirium...
Can anyone tell me the origins of the more popular word "holla"?! The guy I sit with at work says it all the time, and my cute, Polish friend asked me what it meant. Now usually I know where words come from (think Dr. Loney digression here), but I had no idea for the life of me what "holla" meant. I should ask my brother, who is under the impression that he is black.
Root Beer has become my favourite pop/soda/sodapop/icky fuzz drink. I like it's smooth taste and utter frothiness, it makes me drool. I am drinking some right now. I am also drooling right now. Well, not exactly.
Oh, here is a picture (look at your own risk). I look kind of dorky, Dr. Suess would not be proud.

Poor Aaron was so tired that night. He didn't have time to shave or shower, but he did remember my favourite cologne, so that was all that mattered :)
Oh, does anyone want a bunny? Karl, our beloved bunny is in need of a new home. We do care for the welfare of our animals, but it is annoying when the animals are really ugly. I don't like touching it because I can feel it's bones, and really no one else pays attention to it, so we feel like bad pet owners.

My princess cat Tilly takes up everyone's attention...we just can't handle a bunny and a princess. If you would like Karl (it's a female bunny we think) please email me and let me know. We will gladly give her to you cage and all.
ophelias_butterfly@hotmail.com OR
blue_daisy82@yahoo.com
One last picture, I just have to share it. This is a picture of Tilly, we use it for her internet singles ad:

oh and one more....this is her 'fat bastard' picture:

bad scan job I know...but priceless pictures nonetheless. :) Au Revoir.

2004-08-23T07:04:00.000-07:00

Monday
I get asked almost everyother day what is in my purse. It is so tiny that it almost doesn't function as a purse. So, to answer your question:

1. wallet
2. packet of kleenex
3. two lip balms (avon peach naturals, and N.Y.C kiss gloss
4. three papermate medium tip pens
5. work swipe card
6. my friend scott hassals photography buisness card
7. two packages of dentyne ice gum
8. folded up church notes
9. two silver rings
10. a loonie
11. set of six keys on a carabeener (sp?)

inside the wallet:
health card
suzy shier prestige card
credit card
charge card
social insurance card
shoppers drug mart optimum card
student card
hbc rewards card
drivers license
birth certificate
packet of pictures
work card
$30
$.41 in loose change
blockbuster card
carlton card stamp

~there you have it...it seems like a lot of stuff, but really, it isn't.
~today is monday, that means the first working day since the news of closure. I am not sure what to expect when I go into work. My nerves are on the fritz.
~you know you are from the city when: a two minute drive on a dirt road means, washing, waxing and detailing your car and laughing at the fact that you can get arrested for starting a campfire. I am sure there are more, but these are the ones I've experienced in the last few days.

...moving on...
I will leave you with this song today.
I Can Only Imagine
I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus?
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence?
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine.

2004-08-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

Mine Eyes Have Seen...
I am literally speechless, or typeless however the case may be. I witnessed two miracles at my church last night. Even now as I recollect on the previous night I am still in awe of the grandeur of God, the love of God, the mighty healing touch of God. He truly is the balm of Gilead. Last night an elderly man walked into my church holding his beautiful wife's arm and a white walking stick. His eyes were blind. He walked out completely able to see. God is awesome. Another elderly lady was in a wheelchair, she got up out of her chair and began to walk. If these aren't miracles, I don't know what is?! How awesome is God?

2004-08-22T07:02:00.000-07:00

Whatever
~congrats to Leigh and Chris who married yesterday! Cheryl please tell me they didn't go camping for their honeymoon :P
~Planning on cleaning my car today. My church is located on a very lovely camground and with campgrounds comes dusty, dirty cars. The inside is pretty bad too. There are Tim Horton cups everywhere. I like clean cars.
~I learned at church last night that there are gods in India which portray Anorexia and Bulimia. These gods are/or are supposed to cause the worshippers to binge and purge and starve themselves. Interesting.
~I have tried Tropicana Twister thanks to the suggestion of these two lovely bloggers. I really enjoyed it. So #8 on my Top Drinks list would be Tropicana Twister.
~I updated my little, conventient side profile, whilst doing that I smooshed over and wrecked the template. Do I know why? no...maybe aoi does...."come in aoi, do you read me, what did I do?"
~I feel very peaceful today.

2004-08-20T07:43:00.000-07:00

Coffee
A while back I mentioned that I would be working for Craig part time at his coffee shop. We got together and played around with the video camera to try and make an advertisement for milkshakes. Here's what we came up with:

fed up with the ice cream maker I think

what an advertisement for Torani sauces

...so I am thinking...I am so not photogenic, but then again I have been told that I look like a character from a Dr. Seuss book (by several people) so it's no wonder I take bad pictures.
~I have had a chance to digest what happened at work last night. I haven't cried yet. I think I will cry when I have to hug and say good bye to friends. Right now I am just trying to lighten things up at work. In the mean time, I am looking for a new job (plus going to work at the coffee shop part time). I am excited for what God has instore.
~I am going out for dinner with my grandparents tonight. I haven't seen them for a long time. It'll be nice.
~so about this pseudonym thing, I am not too creative in the naming area, so I think I will just go with the fairie queen. That's fair right? The name kind of makes me feel flaky and not for real.
Oh and a big big happy birthday to:

isn't he cute? :P (I'd have a few more nice pictures but Sarah's boyfriend Jeremy hasn't sent me the campfire ones yet).
and a big belated birthday to:
Scott you perverted whippersnapper you. How does it feel to be in your twenties? Take my advice, enjoy twenty while you can, and enjoy twenty-one even more. When you get to be my age it is a downward spiral. I watched 'Death Becomes Her' the other day (with my favourite actress Meryl Streep) and although the movie isn't worth seeing again, they take this anti aging potion, I think I might get me some of that...heh.

2004-08-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

Life Sans God
We got a notice today at work that it will be shutting down. That means we are all laid off. Yeah, now I am jobless. Today I watched fifty people's lives fall apart. I watched them cry and get angry. I saw hopelessness on people's faces and it hit me really hard. How could I survive without Jesus? How could I make it through another day without a sense of assurance of life after death? I was talking to my friend about it and we were just talking about this sort of global depression the whole world seems to be dealing with. People struggling to make ends meet and provide for their families. The monotonous life for these people is devastating. Life without God is hell. You'd swear there was a disaster at my work tonight. There were people in fits, crying on the floor, threatening their lives, asking questions, pulling out their hair. It was hard to observe from my perspective. It was very irrational. I really felt bad for one of the supervisors. She is pregnant and due in December, she didn't stop crying the whole night. I felt for the poor baby she was carrying, I am certain he/she could feel the stress and sadness. I felt for Faith who is now practically homeless and jobless, not to mention feeling threatened by me. I felt for the woman whose husband just left her for a much younger woman, leaving her to raise five children on her own. It was kind of like a death tonight. You know how when someone dies you begin to thinking about your own mortality? Well, I went through that on a minor scale. Disaster hit and I just thought about the big picture. I didn't realize that losing a job was so devastating. Now I do. Ummm, yeah. I will probably cry in a while. I have been working there for over 4 years now, and have developed many beautiful friendships with the people, that is what I am sad about. Oh well, I am glad my life is in God's hands.
P.S.~ does anyone feel like moving to Vancouver with me? just a thought. Ontario to Vancouver, BC kind of a big move I know...heh

2004-08-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

If You Ain't Dutch...

So I want to use a pseudonym on the internet. So far Scott has thought of a few that I proably wont use: magnolia krippendorf, sexton hardcastle. I am thinking no. Heh, but yeah the whole idea behind a pseudonym (in my opinion) is to hide one's identity. Is it to late to hide? Bah, I'll do it anyways.

2004-08-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

Top 10's
I am still sans a mouse, bear with me.
Ok, I have an affinity for lists. I think that makes me a Type A. I constantly make lists for things I have to do, and I even list making lists. I get it from my uber organized mother. She has notebooks FULL of lists. Anyways, Here are some of my top 10's-just in case you care.
10 Things You May Not Know About Me
1. I wear a tank top under all my clothes
2. I am the only person with fair skin and blue eyes in my immediate family. Wait, you probably do know that because it's obvious...
3. I have memorized phone books and dictionaries as a child just for the fun of it (I can't believe I just admitted that)
4. I have almost died-I probably shouldn't be here, but for the grace of God
5. I have a scar on my chin from my brother, a bouncy ball, and a freshly paved drive way. I've had it for thirteen years
6. The thought of needles makes me sick.
7. I hate wearing glasses
8. I like to think for long periods of time w/o being interrupted
9. I wont ever take a bath
10. I use hand sanitizer like there is no tomorrow

10 Places I Love to Shop
1. Jacob Connexion
2. Campus Crew
3. Staples Buisness Depot
4. Bluenotes (for my jeans)
5. The Gap
6. Shoppers Drug Mart
7. Chapters
8. Fortinos-Ancaster
9. American Eagle Outfitters
10. Mitchells Bible Bookstore

10 Drinks I Couldn't Live Without
1. water
2. diet coke
3. diet vanilla coke
4. tropicana orange juice- no pulp
5. nestle chocolate powder in milk-I have issues with premade chocolate milk
6. iced tea-not English style
7. Frutopia-the stuff Sarah always has..Kiwi watermelon or whatever
8. hmmm maybe there are only 7 that drinks I like

10 Career Choices I Have Thought About
1. neurosurgeon
2. oncologist
3. highschool teacher
4. librarian
5. mother
6. lawyer
7. perpetual student
8. missionary
9. social worker
10. psychologist

...I have finished reading Passage To India (and it was on my summer reading list). I will probably write about it soon. It is a good book. Oh and Sarah if you were wondering, I have read, re read, re re read, and re re re read Oryx and Crake. What a good book. Oh and do you remember the cover to the Handmaids Tale that we read in ENG 222? Well I saw a different cover to that book just recently-a woman with her mouth clamped shut (some sort of bar earings going through her lips). If was interesting. Anyways, so long, farewell, adieu.

2004-08-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

Malfunctions
I am sans computer mousie at the moment. My brother adopted a kitten (yes that makes three cats in the house now) and she is quite the little chewer. She is a mix between Siamese and tabby. Her name is Jezireh (Ja zee ra) it is Arabic, we call her Rizza for short. I tend to call her Jez but then I think of Jezebel and that would not be a good name to bestow on anything (person-cat-horse-anything). Anyways, so she chewed a hole in the wiring of my computer mouse. I am so un computer savvy, so I am guessing that just hitting the tab button is ok, although it is quite a headache when you want to visit a blog or site with 100's of links!!!! Took me forever to get out of a few blog sites. Heh!
So, Carrie and I had a fun weekend. I took her to Moose Winooski's a fun restaurant. We drew on the paper on the table, and I made the mistake of writing 'Happy 25th Birthday' and the waitress came over and made Carrie wear a Moosehead. She was not at all pleased. I so wish I had my camera with me at that moment. It was priceless. Dinner: $40, Birthday Prezzie: $30, Carrie's face with Moose head on: Priceless (for all of life's hilarities there's Master Card). We headed over to P.A.M.s (if I had the function of a mouse, I'd link you here Craig, but alas) where I introduced carrie to my new boss and friend Craig. We were just chilling when I got this evil feeling in my stomach. I ran to the mall washroom and puked my brains out. I'm sorry I had to type it that wasy so you could get the full effect of the puke...it was violent. I think it was a combination of stress and my body going crazy because I actually put some normal food in it for a change. But I felt much better afterwards.
Care and I watched 'Little Black Book' and although it is not my type of movie (I wanted to see Manchurian Candidate soooooo bad) it was cute. Carrie cried, heh..I chuckled at a few parts. We really had a nice time though :)
I got my hair cut today. Usually when I get my haircut I cry and pine away afterwards. I've matured a bit, because after this cut I just sulked. Yeah yeah suck it up I know, but it's so short!!! Oh well, in two weeks it'll be alright. Hmmm, I wonder if I look scarier now? Oh speaking of scary, I have come to a conclusion with this whole Faith situation. After taking several psychology classes throughout my university carreer we studied cases of Schitzophrenia, and I am about 97% positive that Faith fits into the category of a Paranoid Schitzophrenic. Now I know I encouraged you all to laugh at this sitaution, calling Faith a freak (not outloud...inside) and I feel bad, because maybe she can't help it. The voices that she hears are real to her, and the people she talks to (that we can't see) are real as well. I mean take Kate for example....we don't judge her because she has the terrible disease of nymphomania (oh wait yes we do....ok scratch that). I have learned a great deal from this situation with Faith.
#1. I am lacking in girth, and no matter how big and scary I try to make myself, it doesn't work.
#2. I can't laugh and cry at the same time without needing a lot of kleenex
#3. Keep my mouth shut at all times, don't talk, it'll just make matters worse
#4. Let Jesus shine no matter what
#5. People who suffer from any mental illness and low self esteem need a lot of prayer.
...I keep reaching for my mouse, but it isn't there :(
Ok, so enjoy the rest of your weekends. I will be enjoying mine with a bag on my head.

2004-08-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

Let The Games Begin!
~Olympics start today. Interesting note, in the middle of Malachai and Matthew the Olympic Games began, and have still been going strong. My favourite television besides the News
~Faith is trying to get me fired. I think God must have some good stuff instore for me because whenever you read in the Bible of Christians going through hard times, there is always a blessing at the end. Even if it is just God's grace and peace, I'll be thankful.
~Can't move my neck, what started out as a kink from falling out of the golf cart turned into a full blown wound. I'll be ok when I can look around.
~Still can't find the Finding Nemo bandaids
~my parents divorce is official today!!!! As much as divorce is a sad thing, it is a good thing for me and the rest of my family. WOOT WOOT!!! We're free! Twenty-six years of hell stops now.
~Iain made me a cd, which is nice. He is the guy I sit beside at work. Let me tell you, my opinion of homosexual people has changed. Not to open a can of worms here, but my feelings on that subject isn't so negative now. He is a great guy.
~I have yet a new mother (at work) or should I say Matka. My Polish friend has decided to be my work mother. People like to mother me, I am not sure why. My mother has done a fine job, yet I still find myself having many mothers all over the place.
~Looking forward to going to the mall today (sarcastic). I avoid malls...
~HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY to the one and only CARRIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...finis

2004-08-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

Weirdness at Work
So I have been having the worst time at work this past week. At my work we sit in cubicles at computers...each section is called a bay, and a bay is made up of about 20 people. So, I had to change bays because of my schedule which was no big deal. However, I was going to have to sit with this woman named Faith. I get along with everyone, I have a bubbly personality at work, and everything is good. Anyways, Faith asked to talk to our supervisor, and she came back from her meeting alittle flustered. I had no idea why she called this meeting. Anyways, yesterday my supervisor calls me into her office and asks if there was a problem between Faith and I. I said no, she gave me bad vibes so I tried to stay my distance. So, this is Faith's side of the story:we were having a conversation about working everyday when I, all of the sudden, came onto her and threatened to beat her up.
At this point I am between tears and hysterics. You have to picture this: me barely 100 pounds, a walking stick, with a mousey voice threatening a woman who is mouthy and over 200 pounds. Yeah...if you find yourself laughing, don't worry it is funny. So anyways, I am not sure if the Jesus in me rubs her the wrong way or something, but she seems to have this vandetta against me. Grrr...

2004-08-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

Missing
5'7, short brown hair, vegetarian, slim build. Likes strange art, playing her guitar, and philosophising. Where oh where could she be??

...Elise and I were going to do a song for a coffee house off of my Cold Mountain Soundtrack (Ain True Love, or the other Alisson Krauss song). She has disappeared and is no where to be found. Please bring her back to me.

2004-08-09T19:24:00.000-07:00

A Favourite

Prayer (1)
Prayer, the church's banquet; angel's age,
God's breath in man returning to his birth;
The soul in paraphrase, heart in pilgramage;
The Christian plummet, sounding heaven and earth;

Engine against th'Almighty, sinner's tower,
Reversed thunder, Christ-side-piercing spear,
The six days' world transposing in an hour;
A kind of tune which all things hear and fear:

Softness and peace and joy and love and bliss;
Exalted manna, gladness of the best;
Heaven in ordinary, man well dressed,
The milky way, the bird of paradise,

Church bells beyond the stars heard, the soul'd blood,
The land of spices; something understood.

....how beautiful is prayer? George Herbert has put it so beautifully. This melts my heart everytime I read it.

2004-08-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

Awesome God
My church has been having a youth rally for the past few days. I just want to say that is it AMAZING! I have never seen so many youth totally sold out to God. I felt a bit old as I sat in my chair. Here I am surrounded by kids 13-20 and I wondered if my grey hair was going to start growing or something. I watched as youth humbled themselves in worship, raising their hands or laying on the floor. I watched as they cried out to God to save their friends and schools. And I thought to myself, God is passing me by. I look at these kids and wish I was there again. Anyways, it was such a challenging message that went out that night. Are we willing to pay the price as a Christian? Are we willing to serve God no matter what our friends think or say? God is just so good.

2004-08-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

My Glorious
I was in a bit of a funk this morning. Usually when I am upset I like to be alone and just listen to classical music, or worship music. In the case today I listened to a beautiful worship song by Delirious entitled "My Glorious" and I just wanted to share the chorus. It is such an encouragement to hear.

God bigger then the air I breathe
The world we'll leave.
God will save the day
And all will say "My Glorious"

2004-08-06T05:38:00.000-07:00

Why do we make excuses for the things we do? When we do something that is wrong it is so natural to try and justify it by saying things like "this made me..." Why can't we just take account and responsibility for our own actions!!! That is the extent of my rant. *sigh*

2004-08-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

My Milkshakes Bring all the Boys to the Yard
So you are looking at the new face to the milkshake poster for Craig's coffee store. Woot woot. (and they'll wonder why sales go up 100%

2004-08-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

Cleaning
While I was cleaning out my boxes I found a whole ton of stuff that I was going to blog about before (Top Likes, George Bernard Shaw, Oscar Wilde etc.) It's great, so I thought I would just post my likes list for the time being.

in no particular order
1. the peacefulness of first waking up
2. cucumbers and salad dressing
3. my cat
4. my Saviour
5. coffee
6. my Mother-a true inspiration
7. siblings that make the world spin faster
8. 17th Century Literature
9. Francis Bacon
10. My Shakespeare Anthology
11. Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture
12. different angles of a grand piano
13. the way skin fits on faces (bone structure)
14. my writers bump
15. Claude Monet
16. late night conversations (past the composure hour)
17. sleeping on the floor
18. observing (especially people)
19. Photography-my own included
20. handing in a well written essay
21. reading
22. reading after "lights out" time as a child
23. reading in other languages
24. linguistics
25. feeling words as I say them (with my tongue and throat)
26. speaking slowly to foreign people
27. Ptolemy and Vanessa Chaing (good times)
28. Drs. Loney and Dent
29. accents (espeically when Eda says "David" with her S. African accent)
30. a new pen
31. the ocean
32. the science of breathing (or the art)
33. My beautiful Polish friend
34. best friends
35. Volkswagens
36. Beethoven, Handel, Mozart
37. Pachabel's Canon in D
38. proper speaking
39. Margaret Atwood
40. my car (Lola)
41. prayer
42. Spiritual gifts
43. photo albums
44. British Novel (taught by Dr. Bowen)
45. The Brontees, Austen, Dickens
46. Listening to this blogger sing
47. Brittany Goheen on the fiddle
48. feeling piano keys with the tips of my fingers
49. exuberant worship
50. the suffix 'esque' and prefix 'cata' (as in catacombs, catastrophe...is it even a prefix?)
51. Medieval Literature
52. Simplicity- Less is More
53. Celebration at Funerals
54. 50+ wedding anniversaries
55. Meryl Streep
56. time
57. Early American Presidents
58. John A. Mac Donald
59. Jean Jacques Rousseau
60. Philosophy of History
61. Banana Popsicles
62. dry humor
63. Cathedrals in Portugal
64. lip gloss
...weird list

moving on, everytime I colour my hair it turns orange. I coloured it #50 and it turned orange. EEEK!

Oh Post Script: while talking to a back slidden Christian today I said (by accident) "pick up you blog and follow Jesus"(?!?!) How stupid do I feel now.

2004-08-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

Cleaning
So last night I decided to attack the boxes in my closet. I am trying to downsize my posessions, like I said earlier. I didn't know where to start really, I had two choices #1 the bag of clothes that I have't worn for ages, #2 the boxes and boxes in my closet. I chose the latter. I opened the first box and picked up two essasy I wrote in grade nine. Keep these I thought (just in case). Next, I attacked a pile of calenders that had recoreded every detail of my life in 1997, '98, '99, and 2000. I put them in the keep pile in case I wanted to show my kids someday how busy I was and how much initiative I took at such a young age. Then I looked around and saw tons of colourful envelopes with cute little teenage messages all over them from my old best friend Denise. I read each and every note, almost reliving the memories we had. I cried, it was so special. I didn't really want to throw these out, so back in the box they went. Basically I kept everything that was in the box. I just can't seem to get rid of these memories, but really, when am I ever going to seriously need these notes and calender pages, and magazine cut outs? I was up until 3:30 A.M. reading and reminiscing, it was great. It was funny to read about the crushes I had on guys in my youth group, and about one friend's death. I was such a crazy kid.
Anyways, I have notihng really interesting to share. I'm really tired so I will go back to bed. Maybe attack another box some other day, when I am ready to throw the contents into the garbage. For now, I will continue to be a packrat.

My favourite reading buddy in Portugal

Portugal 5 years ago

2004-08-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to take a year long sabbatical from life. Yeah, that's what I will do.

2004-08-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

Please Keep That
Today I realized I am a packrat. Yeah. I have decided that I would downsize my amount of possessions. I have saved birthday cards since I was thirteen years old. Do I really need these?? I have this plastic box...more like a storage container filled to the brim with notes from my childhood best friend, and even cookies she baked me. I also have this piggy bank my mom made me out of ceramic that broke and I couldn't bear to part with it so I collected the pieces and wrapped it up. I have magazine clippings from 1997, and notes from my grade nine classes. Are these things worth throwing out...I think I should hire someone to clean for me because I would feel so guilty for throwing my stuff out. *sigh*
In other news, my burns are healing. Is it bad to put hand sanitizer on cuts? I am very anal retentive about my hands being clean and germs and stuff (as mosty of you know...I put hand sanitizer on every ten minutes) but if you get it in a cut is that safe? oh well I did it anyways. The last thing I need is an infection. Ok before I get myself introuble by writing about all of my other quirky qualities I will hit the publish button.
And I have so not been in the mood for writing stimulating mind stuff, if you haven't noticed. My brain is on vacation I guess.

P.S~ When cleaning out my computer I found these things (you may need sound for these)
Soluble
Mango Biscuits
I don't think I saved these (I will blame it on someone else)

2004-07-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

Just a Few Things

~I have a new adopted stray cat. She came around looking for food on my deck the other day. Her name is Muffin, or if you wish Muffy. She is orange and matted. She has the most evil "meow" it sounds like a dying cow. She's super cute.

~got a new part time job (sort of). Starting in September I get to work 12 hours a week being this blogger's relief worker. He owns a coffee shop (kinda like Starbucks) and I get to surround myself with classical music and coffee for a few hours a week.

~I burned my fingers trying to fry some food the other day. The burns unfortunately opened and now they look pretty gross. I can't wait for the scars (sarcasm).

~my raise looks pretty good on my pay cheque at Istonish Inc. Oh oh and it was retroactive, which means I get a few dollars more than usual. Now I can go out and buy some gum or even Starbursts or both!!!!!!!!!!!

~I need new sandals, but yesterday I went to Mapleview mall (oh KICK ME!!! I was in your city and didn't even think to call you) and went into three shoe stores, but alas, no sandals that I liked. What happened to the good ole Dr. Martens sandals?? The ones that look really nice and rugged and last 10 years??

~someone stole my Finding Nemo tatoo bandaids, which would have come in handy yesterday at work when my burns decided to errupt. WHERE ARE THEY??????????????

~and finally, my sister found it in herself to be nice and do work for me yesterday. I felt special.

2004-07-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

I noticed this blog recently. Scrolling down to the lower half of the entry I found someone else who is as unhappy with RUC as I, and many others are. I would also like to point out the comment made by Dan. Thank you for sharing what so many of us are afraid to share. I cannot sympathize with Ms. van Breda on the job oppertunity at RUC because I was lucky enough to have an outside job, however I had to deal with administration one to many times, and for that I had to down lots of Tylenol to over compensate for my headaches. I agree with Dan, the office workers are very power trippy. I can remember one day a few of them (one mentioned in the said blog) came to the 'un official' commuter students lounge and gave some students a blast. We kept our mouths shut. I would have loved to remind her that we drive from up to 45 minutes away, have to pack disgusting lunches because we don't have a fridge, and sometimes need a place to sit that doesn't smell like our musty old library. I wanted to remind these ladies that we are not children. We do realize that it is our job to pick up after ourselves.
Dealing with Redeemer (and may I mention the financial staff downstairs) is unruly and too much of a headache. I woud love to name names but I think that would be rude...maybe not. Grrrr....I understand your frustration Jenn. I feel sorry for those of you (especially commuters) who have to spend another freezing cold winter in the back hallway of RUC.

2004-07-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

Begin Again
I have this feeling, like holding a brand new baby, or like a child opening gifts on her birthday. It's a feeling of starting over new. I am not sure if this is pre-mid life crisis, but I want to move away to where I am unknown and just start my life over again. Maybe a remote island or a fast paced city where no one knows anyone.
"The lines of my earth, so brittle, unfertile and ready to die. I need a drink but the well has run dry"

2004-07-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

Just to make you laugh

2004-07-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

a recent conversation over the phone with one of my American customers:
(for those of you who don't know, I work for an American phone company)

64 Year old Man: So yer accent is not from down south eer, is it?
Me: No actually I am Canadian
Man: Oh yer from the north
Me: (thinking I AM NOT FRISIAN!!!) yes Ontario to be exact...he he
Man: so what is with the hostility between Canadians and Americans?
Me: I think it is a matter of political opinions and differences I suppose.
Man: wow, you are smarter then you sound, where did you learn to talk like that
Me: school, and I watch a lot of news
Man: oh, well Canada is so full of freedom, I like it there
Me: it sure is, have you visited
Man: no, I don't like Quebec, you live near Quebec?
Me: *shocked* yes, yes I do...geographically speaking
>>>>hangs up<<<<<
moving on
have I ever mentioned in my plethora of 'like and dislike'lists how I so totally enjoy taking hot baths on a nice cold summers day?

2004-07-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

Lest I Forget
So, I almost forgot about my blog. I have been super busy and stuff...pardon my mid pubescent language, I have spent one too many hours listening to my sister talk. She has the whole teenage lingo to a t(ee?). Anyways, so this past weekend was my mother's birthday. There was lots of food eating and all that stuff that goes along with birthdays. I think it made me sick though, I have had an upset stomach all day. Anyways, nothing really super interesting from inside my head today.

Kate and I

Kate and I at a KFC in Australia (I am holding a baby pug dog)

Palm trees in Portugal

2004-07-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

Monthly Lyrics
Switchfoot: Meant to Live
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life yeah

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

2004-07-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

Atwoods Religions Philosophy, and Other Things
taken from here.

When The Handmaid's Tale was published, Contemporary Authors listed your religion as "Pessimistic Pantheist," which you defined as the belief that "God is everywhere, but losing." Is this still an accurate description of your spiritual philosophy?

I expect you don't have the foggiest what I meant in the first place. On bad days, neither do I. But let's argue it through.

Biblical version, see Genesis: God created the heaven and the earth -- out of nothing, we presume. Or else: out of God, since there was nothing else around that God could use as substance.

Big Bang theory: says much the same, without using the word "God." That is: once there was nothing, or else "a singularity." Then Poof. Big Bang. Result: the universe.

So since the universe can't be made of anything else, it must be made of singularity-stuff, or God-stuff - whatever term you wish to employ. Whether this God-stuff was a thought form such as a series of mathematical formulae, an energy form, or some sort of extremely condensed cosmic plasma, is open to discussion.

Therefore everything has "God" in it.

The forms of "God", both inorganic and organic, have since multiplied exceedingly. You might say that each new combination of atoms, molecules, amino acids, and DNA is a different expression of "God." Therefore each time we terminate a species, "God" becomes more limited.

The human race is terminating species at an alarming rate. It is thereby diminishing God, or the expressions of God.

If I were the Biblical God I would be very annoyed. He made the thing and saw that it was good. And now people are scribbling all over the artwork.

It is noteworthy that the covenant made by God after the flood was not just with Noah, but with every living thing. I assume that the "God's Gardeners" organization in Oryx and Crake used this kind of insight as a cornerstone of their theology.

...I am amazed at how both "The Hanmaid's Tale" and "Oryx and Crake" are both considered speculative fiction of the sci fi kind, yet they deal with things we already know. Things that aren't foreign to us. It is not like watching a Starwars movie, or Space Trek episode, but looking into what we are creating the future to be. I am captivated. While I was at work, I began to put more of a summary together in hopes to understand my thoughts on the book.

2004-07-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

Work
I work with this woman who I will call **Edna** . This woman claims to have Down Syndrome, and some rare liver disorder that makes her unable to walk (but she walks fine). I am thinking to myself why doesn't she go on disability? But to each his own. Anyways, I sat across from her at work today and watched her down pills about every 10 minutes (I wonder if they are the pills that cause people with severe problems to look normal). Anyways, this woman also drank about 5 coffees in a 3 hour span. Personally I think she has a severe form of hypochondria. It made me think of what our world is doing to people. How their sins and lifestyles get them so tangeled up. Isn't there a verse in the Bible that says "be sure your sins will find you out"?? Here we have a woman obviously affected by some issue, some hurt, some bad choice she made now sitting here afraid that the world is out to get her. It makes me sad to see her like this, and I even engaged in a conversation with her, but it seems she enjoys her lifestyle. She basks in the pity, and attention that her "down syndrome" and "liver disorder" gives her. Oh it is so sad. A recent blog entry by Mr. Strauss suggests that people have pain. That is almost inevitable unfortunately. Life brings pain, how we choose to deal with this pain is up to us. Edna looks like she has endured a lot. I don't know if it was an abusive husband, some sort of tragic childhood event, substance abuse when she was younger. I really don't know. I wish there was some way to stop this cycle. Some way to shield it from touching my own children so they may grow up to be pain free and happy. When I first met Edna I admit, I laughed. Not infront of her, but to myself. I wondered how she ever made it this far and that she should just grow up. It took me a while to realize that I could have been in her position. She has been hurt, but has not been able to seek help, she has not had the means to do so. I have, that is why I am the way I am today, and she is the way she is. Would it then be my position to offer some sort of support to her. I am not ignorant of her pain, should I reach out? I watched her cry today (at work), but I didn't see a grown woman crying; I saw a young child hiding from something, crying and scared. I wonder if Jesus cries for her? The one thing I do know, is that He saw her as He was being nailed to the cross, and He did it for her. If that isn't enough to reach out to her, I am not sure what is.
I apologize for the strangeness of this blog. I wasn't sure what to write but I knew that I had to comment on this woman.

2004-07-20T21:48:00.000-07:00

Summer
Reasons for liking the summer months:
1. Popsicles melting before I get a chance to eat then
2. Driving without sliding
3. sitting on my deck reading a book sans Columbia gear
4. tank tops
5. road trips
6. central air
7. staying up late talking to friend, not studying
8. cold beverages ( as opposed to having cold beverages in the winter)
9. less clothing
10. lemonade
11. cold showers
12. shopping at beachfront stores
13. flip flops (or thongs to some)
14. strawberries, blueberries, and watermelons
15. campfires

Dislikes:
1. sweating
2. shedding animals
3. sitting on the deck (with a good book) and almost getting pooped on by the birds
4. swamped bookstores
5. humidity
6. getting my license plate sticker
7. working extra hours at work
8. shorts
9. sandal tans
10. warm water
11. rain when it isn't needed (ie. when you are starting a campfire)
12. annoying kids playing hockey in our cul-de-sac...basically there is only one way out, and they are blocking it.
13. overgrown grass on our little traffic island
14. mowing the lawn
15. hair...it is too humid for hair in the summer

2004-07-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

Bleh Pt. 2
I am not in the mood to write about my readings, still. I just don't feel like sitting here for half and hour pouring out my brains and then having my computer freeze or pressing the wrong button, like I did before.
So, I will talk about some quirky inherited traits that I have. Well, maybe just one. I am obsessed with vacuuming. I get this from my grandmother who is always with her vacuum. When the family gets together there is always some poking fun at her because of this habit, and I am proud to say I have acquired it as well. I spent an hour today vacuuming stairs that didn't need to be cleaned. Then I did some reading, and went back to vacuuming the stairs again. My mother just recently bought this hand held dust buster max thing. I'm telling you, this thing is awesome. It was like Christmas morning when she brought it home. I got all excited. I think this is one of my sick obsessions. I am turning into my grandmother.
On a lighter note, I had to be reviewed tonight at work. We have to be reviewed inorder to get a raise, it is silly... Anyway, I have almost perfect quality. I am super happy that now my pay cheque will be 24 cents more. Drinks 'll be on me soon! Anyways, it is nice to be recognized for being a good worker, it is just another way to shine my light.
...moving on...
Kate is getting married, as you may (or may not) know. The wedding is in June sometime. Anyways, I am a bridesmaid (huzzah!!!) and while discussing dresses the other day with Kate, I mentioned that I wanted to go topless. Thinking nothing of it, and not realizing my slip of tongue I went on to say how it'll be so nice, and fun. Meanwhile Kate was laughing...anyways, long story short, I meant strapless...fortunately for everyone at the wedding I will be wearing a top to my dress. Anyways, I am excited!
So I think I will stop now. Maybe I will have some tea and see if I am in a better mood for blogging about my Education series, and my Atwood update. I doubt it, but it was a good excuse to make tea.

2004-07-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

Bleh
I just wrote a huge blog, decided it wasn't worth reading and deleted it. I have so much that I want to blog about but when it comes time for me to actually write, the good stuff doesn't want to come out. I am now sitting, waiting for my brother to call so I can pick him up from his girlfriends house. Joy oh Joy. Anyways, I guess I will just show some pictures, just so that you don't have to read a bunch of nothingness....at least this way you get to enjoy looking at something.

Aaron

Belem Castle in Portugal

Lisbon, Portugal

Sunset in Cascais, Portugal

2004-07-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

Weekend. Finis.I'm Sad
So, I had the most amazing weekend ever. I am not exaggerating here either. What started off as a headache, ended up being one of my favourite weekends ever. Aaron and I walked along the Gorge in Elora just talking and having a really nice time. His poor feet hurt and I offered him a piggy back ride he just laughed saying that he could bench press double my weight, so I had better not. We laughed and walked back to over the flooded bridge, trying to look for Tim and John's abandoned baseball flowing down the rapids. When we got back to the campsite devotions were already in progress so we sat quietly in the back observing the fire leaping and dancing infront of us. When devotions commenced, Aaron and I moved closer to the fire to get warm. It was just beautiful. I am attracted to fire, not in the pyromaniac way. Sitting beside Aaron made the night perfect, saying goodbye will be something I will never forget. What a great guy! Thank
you for sharing your best friend with me.
Church tonight was amazing. We had Debbie Kendrick, a missionary to France speak at our church. It was so powerful. She has this way of ushering in God's presence. Oh I could have just sat there for hours listening to her, and she has such a graceful heart. Her daughter Joanna led worship, it was just beautiful. Well, on this peaceful note, I will end.

2004-07-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

Weekend
And again, blogger revises and changes their look. When will the madness end ?
So, my car is in getting the brakes fixed. This is great because it was grinding so much and it just sounds horrible. Whoever buys my car next will be really lucky because I have fixed so much on Lola that there really isn't anything left to do but drive her. I have decided that the car I will get will be brand spanking new. That way I won't have to deal with fixing it for about 5 years. Ha! if life were like that. I am carless for the rest of the day, and today happens to be the day where I have way to much to do. I am going away with this blogger and her boyfriend. We are heading up to Elora to meet up with Aaron and the rest of his youth group. How exciting!!! So, today was my day to go to the bank, pick up a new battery and film for my camera, and buy some other essentials. My car just happened to pick this weekend to start grinding. Oh well.
In other news, I have been doing a lot of praying and thinking about the future. You all know that I have decided to quit school. When I began at Redeemer University I decided to follow what my heart had wanted for so long, and that was to become a teacher. I lived for school, and wanted to learn so much that I decided to make myself a permanent fixture in the classroom. I came to Redeemer with the thought that I would major in English and History and minor in Psychology. And so it was. I was the overworked, underpaid, stressed out student like many of you are. I wrote a zillion essays, took courses that won't mean a thing to me down the road and made some pretty awesome memories. However, in the back of my mind I was almost running from the plans God had for me. I knew I was called to the ministry, in some area, and I had dedicated my life to that calling when I was young. I went alone to Portugal on a mission trip during highschool for a semester, where I took along my school work. I started a youth group and worship team with a few of the Angolan/Portuguese people. I felt so fulfilled. I knew that God wanted me to do missions work. Anyways, to make a long story short, throughout my life I have encountered friends who became young unwed mothers, friends who have had abortions, friends who were suicidal and depressed, and myself who has struggled with an eating disorder for 8 years. I wanted to make a difference upon receiving my healing of anorexia. I wanted to share my story and open myself up to people who were suffering just like I did. I want to show them what God could do in their lives without pushing religion on them. So, I have decided to, and am looking into running a home, like a healing home, or a safe home where young girls can come and just find the healing they need. Anyways, so in case you were wondering what I plan to do with myself when I am not in school, this is the answer. I will be returning to school, totally. I just need some time off to reflect, heal, de-stress myself and embrace what God has planned for the future years.
Oh oh and I promised camping pictures...

The walk down to Lake Huron

Me after just seeing Prof. Cook.

Carrie going down to the beach

I would have published these on my photoblog, but I forgot the password...stink!

2004-07-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

Gifts
I got the most wonderful gift yesterday. I really want to share it, but I don't know how. I went over to my friend Craig's house yesterday (by the way, the colour scheme that you picked out is really nice, I still want to paint one room red...like the kitchen). He made me a cd with one of my favourite songs on it, but not only is there a song, but a video he made of all my photobucket pictures going along with the song. It was the best. The song is not an extremely happy song so as I was listening to it and watching my life flash before my eyes I pictured myself at my funeral or something...it was an odd feeling. But the gift is amazing. Craig if there is some way I can post a link to it here at Rhapsody in Black will you let me know? Also, while I am here, if you would like videos made to go along with a sermon, or a presentation or something Craig has this wonderful talent for doing that.

P.S~ for some odd reason I can't sit properly today, nor can I turn my head. *sigh* I think this is a sign from God that I shouldn't ever EVER take up golfing as a hobby.

2004-07-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

Funny Birthday Story
My mother decided to take me out today. We hit the greens in our nice little golf cart. It was so much fun just spending time together and hanging out. Everything was going fine until my mother decided to take a sharp turn and I fell out of the golf cart. Yes that is right, reserved, princess-ish, prissy me went flying about ten feet out of a golf cart. I have the grass stains on my pants to prove it. A birthday that will go down in history :)