Rhapsody in Black

Designed to Make You Feel Like the Sane One

Saturday, October 30, 2004

I Have Nothing Left
I am in agony as I write this. I can barely even place my fingers on the keyboard, my mind is racing and I am going to throw up, I can feel it. This is not about me. This is not about what I am going through personally. This is about a friend. I can't see what I am typing because I am so full of emotions and my eyes are just in a blur. You can never understand what a person is going through, never. When you give, it is never enough and I came to that realization today.
Today I got to hear the voice of a beautiful woman. I feel very selfish for even wanting to hear her voice again. This woman is someone I cannot ever explain, there are no words to describe her. In the time that I have known her, she has given in ways that she should have never given. Because I love her, I have spent hours at night just talking to her, letting her know I am there whenever she needs.
I have asked for prayer on several occasions regarding her situation. After listening to her tonight, and after reading what I have read tonight my heart aches. I hope that if she reads this, she will not be upset by my talking about her. Her life is so precious and in the short time I have known her she has shared intimate details of this precious life. I don't know when I have to say good bye, but I am dreading it very much. She speaks oft of her lovely family and my heart aches for the pain they must be feeling.
My Dearest Little Lady, (good morning)
I know that someone is reading this for you, and for that I am glad. Thank you for sharing your life with me. You are beautiful, and I am not biased (I know you are saying that.) Je t'adore-gG

Please do not respond to this unless you feel you need to. I just needed to open my heart.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Shall We Dance?

Carrie and I went to see that movie tonight. We decided to go to the earlier show as tomorrow I am working at a Business Men's Expo really early in the morning. We were sitting in the theatres being our usual selves (if you know us as we are together, you know what I mean.) CRAZINESS!! We sat there for a while just laughing and singing all the movie theatre preview songs. We were thinking that we had the whole theatre to ourselves when all of the sudden it started to fill up with old people. I am not talking old as in thirty- five year old people. I am talking 60-75 (crap, I am going to get my butt kicked for this, I know.) Then we realized that we had come to the early show, old people go to those shows. All the teens go to the late shows. We started (well I started) to get alittle depressed because I realized then that I was aging. I could actually feel my grey hair trying to push out of my scalp, I could feel parts of me sagging, I could smell old lady perfume. That perfume wasn't mine, oh no no no. Guys remember grandparents day at Redeemer? Remember needing to wear gas masks just to keep from passing out. That is the smell I am talking about. Some Kerplunkistanian people sat behind us (they were the generators of most of the awful smell) they just started talking in their native Kerplunky language. It was a bit annoying.
Okay, so the movie was so cute. Go see it, I recommend seeing it. Richard Gere was so hot. He reminds me of John the Honda man. Be still my beating heart.
Anyways, I want to share some song lyrics tonight. Don't laugh because I really like this song.

Annie's Song
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in spring time
Like a walk in the rain.
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
Come let me love you, come love me again

One final thought before I close, this is more a vent then a thought. I haven't complained about my sister yet this week, so I will. She is getting on my last nerve and if she continues her stupid, childish charade I am on a one way flight to Tibet. Her and I are completely different. Karlie doesn't care what she says or does to people, which in the long run, once she matures could be a good thing. I see her running for President someday I really do. Karlie is very frivilous. Take her phone for instance, that is the single most expensive thing she has ever in her life purchased and probably won't purshase something that significant until she buys a car or funds her wedding. I have never spent that much money on one single thing (besides maybe 4 plane tickets, a car, 4 years of University education) but come on, each of those things bought me culture, travel, intelligence, and whatever else. Not a conversation with my boyfriend(s) and my best friend that I will possibly be hating in ten minutes time. I am upset by her frivility (another Erica made word.) Frivilousness whatever. I mean you could feed a small third world country with that purchase. Anyways, she is so self centered, like any teenager should be right? I don't get it, can someone shed some light here. I mean when I was a teenager I spent my time in a library, spent my time in Portugal (in a library) and watching operas. Why is she likes this, and why can't I understand and just deal with it? Am I in the wrong for acting like this? Am I being way to much of an adult and not so much a big sister? Thankfully my brother has a nice punching bag in his room. I think I will go break my knuckles.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Sweet October

My favourite view is orange on blue, the colour of a late October Sky. It reminds me that when I go outside I will still feel the sunshine, and will smell woodstoves burning. I used to think that rainy May was my favourite month, I like rain and flowers so why not like May. But really, this month is just gorgeous. It is more exciting to see the process of photosynthesis, than to watch a whole myriad of little baby animals birthed. I am afraid of squirrels almost as much as spiders. October hosts tired, fat squirrels that don't really care if they run out infront of your car, or corner you on a porch. They want food, so I am not really a threat to them any longer. October is beautiful. I think I will drink Chai tea when I am finished this post.
Congrats to the Boston Red sox on a victory (winning the Worldseries was it? Grey Cup, Superbowl, whatever). YAY for Boston, YAY for whatever. I don't watch baseball, nor hockey (does that make for a bad Canadian or what? I don't even like beer come to think of it, and no I don't know Joe from Winnipeg). At any rate, winning something that huge is, well...great I guess. I think it would be more honourable to win the Nobel Prize, but hey if all you can do is hit balls and whip your sticks around, then more power to ya! I like watching golf and tennis, does that make me a geek?
I have nothing over the top intelligent to say today. As of late my moods have been different. I've done a lot of reading, and have caught up on most of my missed sleep (is it ok to sleep at work?) Don and I have this book going at work where we write notes to pass time. The notes can be about anything and can take up as many pages as needs be. I wrote a seven page note, and it to me was depressing. I am not sure what it was that I was thinking. But it was a weird note. I just felt that I needed to say things that I had never said before. I feel that way in a lot of areas. I need to just say what I want to say to people, just so they know. I am highly guilty of not sharing my feelings to my friends, to my family. It is easy to write them out in a blog for instance. Because you don't have to respond and we can not have a continuous conversation about it. I just say, and leave. Very non committal. However, lately I have been changing that. If you find me speaking my thoughts more often to you, or just saying how I feel, please just accpet it. Things happen in our lives (with our friends, with us, with our fmaily) that cause us too look deep inside our hearts. I have been reaching inside lately. Am I right with God? Do I need to make ammends with someone before it is too late? Do I need to tell you I love you, so that you know?

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

This is very exciting. If you can't be bothered to read the link, it just talks about the donation made to breast cancer research:

"Descendants of late newspaper magnate Roy Thomson donated $25 million for breast cancer research, in what is thought to be the single largest gift for cancer research in Canadian history."

Go Canada!!!!!
Happy Hump Day
This little thing here has quite a lineage, one I'd rather not recount, but it is my duty to keep it alive.

Three things I'm wearing right now:

1. A cable knit sweater
2. Striped brown and orange knee high socks
3. A blue tee shirt

Three things on my desk:

1. Photo Albums
2. Shakespeare plays (in seperate books)
3. a blank cd

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Marry
2. Have children
3. travel the rest of the world

Three good ways to describe my personality:
1. Thoughtful
2. motherly
3. quiet (is that a personality thing?)

Three bad things about my personality:

1. I can be anxious
2. I can get too quiet
3. I lack confidence

Three things I like about my body:

1. The color of my eyes.
2. my ears
3. Yeah, that's about it.

Three things I don't like about my body:

1. the size of certain areas
2. my hair
3. My everything else.

Three things I say the most:

1. meh
2. no worries
3. whatever

Three places I want to go:

1. France
2. England
3. Africa

Three names I go by:

1. Erica
2. Ria
3. GG/Rica Roo as of late

Three screen-names I have had:

1. faeriequeen
2. GG
3. lainey laines

Three people I consider best friends:

JD (if he brings me pistachios :P )

Three CDs I couldn't live without:

1. Erica's Angst CD (just a mixed one)
2. a mixed classical cd

Three websites I visit the most frequently:

1. blogger.com
2. hotmail.com
3. photobucket.com

Three books I want to read:

1. Dance of the Happy Shades, Alice Munro
2. Alias Grace, Margaret Atwood
3. Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words

Three things that make me cry:

1. talking about peoples pains
2. Losing someone/ saying good bye
3. Watching certain movies (eg: Homeward Bound, Steel Magnolias, Radio, Beauty & the Beast)

Three things that make me laugh:

1. endearing idiosyncracies of certain people
2. My two cousisn Jessica and Jodie, they have me laughing so hard (usually just laughing about our childhood)
3. When Don makes "the noise"

Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam

(not blog author's own picture)
I see the moon; the moon sees me
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree.
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Latest songs to stir me:

Fly - Spontaneous Worship song by Jason Upton, it is just phenomenal.
I Can Only Imagine- This one speaks for itself really
Imagine - originally done by the beatles I think, I like the version done by A Perfect Circle
Pachelbel's Canon in D - This always stirs me not matter what
King of Majesty - A Hillsong recording, I love it.
Brahm's Lullaby- Flashes of my forgotten childhood come flooding back
My Heart Will Go On- Just simply the instrumental redition.
I Have Questions- Tim Hughes, it was a song that gave me hope
My Immortal-Evanescence, it reminds me of when Elise and I used to jam. We played that song so well :)

Latest blessing to surprise me:
finding glasses that fit, ummm just my next breath is really a blessing, and that sounds cheesy, but you have no idea what it means to me.

Latest memory that warms me:
Lately it has been doing worship at church, that is a warm memory
anything with Sarah and Carrie warm me as well, usually :P

Latest person I can't wait to see:
This is a tough one. I can't wait to see a lot of people for many different reasons.
Carrie-because it has been well since her birthday in August (sniff sniff)
Sarah-because she makes me laugh
Shar-just because I love her a lot
Kate-because deep down inside I love having my butt grabbed and being spun around to the point of throwing up.
...if you are not on this list, don't take offense, it just means I see you on a fairly regular basis :)

Latest verses to thrill me:
1 Corinthians 6: 20 "for ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your Spirit, which are God's."
2 Corinthians 4: 17, 18 "for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exeeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen
for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things that are not seen are eternal.

Confessions of the Sister of a Teenage Dramaqueen
Today is confession day. It's Monday, what better way to start it then getting everything off my chest that needs to go. So I figure that since my last list was roughly a week ago, I would make another one. I will title it 'My Confessions'

I like the song Sweet Home Alabama
I pop my burns (wait...deflate sounds a bit better) I deflate my burns. After carefully reading this over I find that this sounds a bit weird still. What I mean is, when I get burned, I like to deflate them. I don't burn often.
Inside I adore Martha Stewart
I actually can cook
I get excited about new cleaning products
I watch Gilmore Girls (crap, I can't believe I said that)
I watched one season of Survivor religiously (Survivor Australia)
I iron all my clothes, it is very theraputic
My sock drawer is colour coded (and seeing as I only wear black and brown socks, that task is pretty simple)
I am a shopoholic (which reminds me, I need to rant about this book I am reading. It is called "Confessions of a Shopoholic" and it is the most stupidest thing I have ever read.)
I don't have any cavities, probably because I don't drink pop or eat candy
I refuse (flat out refuse) to drink milk, which is bad I know.
When I was in eigth grade I beat up my friend. She said something bad about someone so I slammed her head off a coat hook. We aren't friends anymore.
I stole a puppy, and sold it to make profit
I feed my cat yogurt, ice cream and tuna fairly regularly
John the Honda man and I had a trist in the back room which involved biscotti (I made that one up)
I found a grey hair, which is really uncommon to find at my age in my family, and I picked it out and cried.

...and I am thinking that is enough incriminating evidence against me for one day, but really, that is the mild list :)
Now on to the topic of the book I am reading. I just want to say that it is horrible. I have never read something so literary-ily displeasing in my whole life (besides my new word there: Literaryily). You can open the book from any point and read the same thing. It is all about this girl who shops and can't pay off her VISA bill. The chapters are the same except she buys different things and her VISA bill increases. If you read the book backwards though, her bill decreases, it is very clever. I strongly recommend that if you own this book, don't wast your time reading it. And if you happen to like this book, I have a few suggestions for you.
#1 take a literary Criticism course, if you can't, please I will lend you my notes
#2 I think number ten on the most famous Canadians list is Margaret Atwood, who is she you ask? One of the greatest Modern writers of all time (well, of modern time)
#3 read poetry, that doesn't mean cheesy poems your boyfriend wrote you...that means John Donne, Robert Frost (the greatest American writer besides Mark Twain), George Herbert, John Milton, for crying out loud read some nursery rhymes if you have to.
Whatever you do don't read this book. I have wasted enough time reading five chapters, I feel like my life has quickly passed me by. This book is comparable to certain articles in Cosmo, highly stimulating for 30 seconds, if that. Anyways enough of that.
It hasn't been sunny lately, which for some can be depressing. I encourage you to buy a travel guide book and start making vacation arrangements. Some suggestions: Fiji, Bermuda, Australia (stay away from sleeping roadside kangaroos), Hawaii, Tibet, the nearest Recycling Compound etc., just to name a few. If you can't do that maybe just put on your favourite song and imagine yourself walking along the beach in the middle of the summer. Why do I get this strange feeling that he snow is coming early this year? Even after I wrote that nasty letter? I wouldn't mind being a missionary called to Jamaica or Cancun, Mexico. C'est la vie.
I am driving to Toronto tonight, I am just a bit nervous. I have never driven to Toronto before and so...yeah. I am wondering if it is comparable to a four hour drive to Windsor, because I did that no problem. Toronto is only an hour away, but eww I don't want to drive it. Anyways, happy Monday.