Rhapsody in Black

Designed to Make You Feel Like the Sane One

Friday, October 08, 2004

Mercy Said No
Have you ever had those days where you feel like God forgot you? Maybe not totally forgot you, but just got busy with someone else and left you there...kinda just hanging there? I have been going through some stuff, trying to make progress in an area of my life that I am struggling in. Like I am scraping down a brick wall with a butter knife. It's not fun, not at all, but I realize what is on the otherside of this wall, and I know that it is an onion process. A process that, like peeling and onion, takes time, tears shed, pain, and time, lots of time (did I fail to mention time?) During this process, a certain part I went through this week, my friend sent me this song and it really really touched me. It came at a moment when I needed to hear it most. It was perfect and I am so thankful that she sent it. I want to share the lyrics, as they are touching and maybe you are struggling with something in your own life today and you just need that little bit of enouragement. Maybe you need someone to say, "hey man, I'm praying for you"

I was just a child, when I felt the Savior leading
I was drawn to what I could not understand
And for the cause of Christ, I have spent my days believing
That what He'd have me be, who I am
As I've come to see the weaker side of me
I realize His grace is what I'll need
When sin demanded justice for my soul
Mercy said no
I'm not going to let you go
I'm not going to let you slip away
You don't have to be afraid
Mercy said no
Sin will never take control
Life and death stood face to face
Darkness tried to steal my heart away
Thank You Jesus, Mercy said no
For God so loved the world, that He sent His son to save us
From the cross He built a bridge to set us free
Oh, but deep within our hearts, there is still a war that rages
And makes a sacrifice so hard to see
As midnight fell upon the crucifixion day
The light of hope seemed oh so far away
As evil tried to stop redemption's flow
(Repeat Chorus)
And now when heaven looks at me
It's through the blood of Jesus
Reminding me of one day long ago

In other news, I have a prayer request. This is not for me, it is for a friend. A very dear friend. I am not released to share any details, names, anything. I just want you to pray. I know that the majority of people who read this are Christians. I am pleading with you to pray for my friend. I am not sure what else to say. But God surely knows. This is me being completely serious. Please stand in the gap for a fellow believer, in prayer.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving weekend is nice. This is such a wonderful season to remember God's provision and love for his children. I am so thankful for my next breath, and the over abundance God has given to me. What are you thankful for today?

Hmmm, I left all my music in a tent at church, I will be thankful if no one takes it, and that it is there tomorrow sitting near my keyboard stand.

And, yeah I will end on a sappy note. Thank you all for just being the wonderful people you are. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends, an amazing support system, and two wonderful spouses (with 4 beautiful children). You have all taught me a great deal, even if it is to laugh at myself when I make a mistake, even if it is laughing at me when I make a mistake, or if it is teaching me new words and phrases to add to my already full vocabulary (I won't mention any of these phrases as I was not quite sworn to never say them again). Have a great weekend.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Keys, Poems, Cinderella and the Like
I am excited about getting a key to the coffee shop, because now...as Carrie puts it, I can have sex on the counter. (Craig, are you sure the Honda guy's name is John??) Yeah, what status! Anyways...
I wrote a poem today, yay for fresh pencils, twisted minds, and a few drinks (of water, only water).

Eleventh hour, I'm on my knees
Lips quivering, wondering if it will happen again
Throat burning, liquified heaven is my only relief
She's hear near me, her presence is chilling
This skeletal frame can hide no longer

Ok, so had I been in ENG 403 (is that creative writing, or is it 303) I don't think Prof. "You Know Who" would like that very much because there is no mention of sex or anything sensual (or is there....maybe you have to unpack it.) I was just thinking about a certain person named Jen's response to that poem. "How do I know if I'm ovulating...." ok no more laughter. I miss that kid, really I do.

Ok, maybe I wont talk about Cinderella. I will save that for another day. But you know what I will talk about....(drum roll please)

Nifty Philosophy Schmuck
*Note: read at your own risk. This could easily bore you. I have no doubt. I will add something more interesting at the end for those of you who cannot stand philosophy (heaven forbid).
I thought that I would start out easy. Begin with realism and Aristotle. Something a bit easier to swallow than naturalism and Rousseau. This is a sort of foundation I am trying to establish, some sort of starting block. The basic definition of realism is: things exist no matter how we perceive them. There are four basic principles that we should establish before moving forward which are taken from Gutek, Gerald, L. "Philosophical and Ideological Perspectives in Education".
#1 The world we inhabit is of real existence.
#2 Regardless of how we use objects. they are real.
#3 We can have some knowledge of the objects based on reason.
#4 Our knowledge about said objects is most the reliable guide to uhman conduct.
With that said, it is much easier, based on laws, to be a realist that an idealist.
The origins of realism lie in the philosophies of Aristotle (who, if you aren't aware, was a student of Plato). Aristotle founded the Lyceum, a school in Athens that focused on natural sciences, logic, ethics, etc. Aristotle played a large role in classification in terms of inanimate matter (rocks) being on the lower end of the scale, and animate matter (plants) being on the higher end of the scale. There are a few points in his theory that we need to make clear:
#1 The Material Cause- something out of which a being is made.
#2 The Formal Cause- is that into which a being is made.
#3 The Efficient Cause- the agent used to bring about motion from potential to actual.
#4 The Final Cause- direction toward which the being is tending.

...there's alittle foundation, and advertisement for what is to come.

This is one of my favourite pictures by the artist Rembrant. If I am correct this piece is called The Prodigal. I just wanted to share it with you.
Today my mechanic/family member goes in for lymph node surgery. Please, please keep him in your prayers. From what I know, the doctors don't know how serious this is, I guess they will be running tests and all that (I really don't know what this surgery entails). Thanks for praying.
I have a sickening craving for White Hot Chocolate with Vanilla. That is like heaven in my mouth, the melted marshmallow like taste mixed with the smooth hint of vanilla. Why am I not working at the coffee shop today?! For $3.00 I could be living in heaven (momentarily).
I noticed as I was packing away my many pairs of beloved capris, favourite 3/4 sleeve length shirts, Campus Crew tee shirts, my favourite sage golf tee shirt and Dr. Marten sandals, that I have no socks to wear in this fast approaching cold season. I was hanging up some sweaters and folding my pants and there were no socks, none at all. I have no idea what I did with them, isn't that dumb?! Oh well, just another excuse for me to go shopping. My mother said to me the other day that I wear disposable clothes. She says "you spend tons of money one week, and the clothes are bagged up the next week" I say "collecting clothes is a hobby of mine." She doesn't get it. Anyways, oh where are my socks? My feet are freezing.
I said the other day that I was going to put some lyrics on here from Dashboard Confessional (one of my favourite, favourite bands). This song is funny, although it was one of those "had to be there moments." At RUC we have coffee house (if you are not familiar with RUC, I will explain a bit). Anyways, coffee house...wow good times (Sarah, remember going through the cell phone of the 'man whore' and then getting all of those rocket candies...) Anyways, Nate Stretch and Matt McKenna sang this song, and you have to realize that these are two very funny people. They had straight faces and strained voices (strained as in, it's a sad song so we will emphasize that fact) and belted out this song. It was a funny moment. Anyways, here it is:
Best Deceptions
I heard about your trip.
I heard about your souvenirs.
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights,
and the cool guys that you spent them with.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.

Don't you see, don't you see,
that the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.
So kiss me hard
'cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
and this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips will be of service
to keeping you away.

I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm.Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late
too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes.

anyways, that's it. Oh and...thousand pardons for not publishing the philosophy post, I am just not in the mood yet. I don't feel like being all intellectual just yet.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Non a Blog o al Blog, Cio e la Domanda<---trying out some Italian.
So (en medias res), apparently I have really soft hands. Thanks Craig for pointing that out. It brightened my day and made working at the shop more enjoyable. Just to let you know, in case you want hands as soft as mine, I wash them in the morning, put an insane amount of hand sanitizer on them, moisturize with Roots Spirit Body Lotion and Clinique body lotion.

*note: I am writing this blog out by hand at work, it is making the day go by faster*

I just realized that I forgot my Vivaldi cd. It's a shame because Vivaldi goes so well with coffee shops. So does Sixpense None the Richer, that's weird. So now I am listening to this weird song by Silverchair Miss You Love. Good song, good song, I am not putting out the lyrics. I have a song in mind that I am going to quote later on (my favourite Dashboard Confessional song). People who come into the shop comment on my choice of music. Usually I am listening to Dashboard or Jewel, it's funny seeing customers expressions when I play Britney Spears or Opera (wow, quite the difference I know, and I am not admitting here that I like Britney Spears, oh my no). I like building a rapport with the regulars that come into the store. So far I have a few favourites. The Honda Dealership guy that has a cute, weird voice (he's older, but no worries, I won't hit on him....I can see you laughing Carrie). He always orders a cappuccino with cinnamon. Kathy, she works at the bank, and smells really nice. She gets MEd. Decaf. with milk....low on the octane (our little joke). And then there is my old cat lady who comes in and tells me stories about her cat. She has got to be in her 80's, and just a doll. She has me make her whatever I feel like making her. Last time I made her a peppermint tea. Anyways, it's kind of fun working there. I mean there are many setbacks, and such but that comes with any job.

Today was a really strange day. I spent the night on my couch close to the washroom, wide awake. I've been pretty spastic lately. HA! I know I know, I'm always spastic, but more so today. I had to run some errands today, and smell some pencils (don't ask). So, here I am driving along this street and I need to change lanes, so withouth looking over into my blindspot I move over and practically sideswipe a volkswagan. I felt so horrible. Usuaully I am a very cautious driver, but I guess I had too much on my mind today. Way to set the heart rate off again.

Church las night was amazing. Worship was surreal. Taylor and I seem to be clicking really well. He sings and plays the guitar. When we get our recordings I'll be sure to let you all hear!!!

10/05 addendum
This insomniac finally got some sleep!! It's weird waking up after like four hours of sleep feeling extremely rested. I fell asleep last night with frozen spoons on my eyes. When I woke up the spoons were on my chest and weren't so cold anymore. Strange strange feeling.

I still in thinking about Sunday mode. My pastor does this thing where he will open up the floor for people to talk. Usually he asks "what is God speaking to you about" and he will call people up to just share their hearts. He selected my mother, and she, being a wonderful public speaker, just shared alittle of what is on her heart. It was really nice, but I got to thinking...how would I word what God has been showing me lately, through my alone time with him. The phrase "There Must be More Than This" keeps popping itself into my head. It is exactly what God is taking me through in many different facets of my life. We think we have all of God, or enough of God-we just take what we need of Him. But in truth, there is so much more that we can't even comprehend. In my own personal life I battle thoughts that tear me down, thoughts that could eventually cause death. How come I can't trust God? There is so much more then I am letting myself realize. It's like the phrase "All this and Heaven too!" Anyways, I'm rambling...

Sunday, October 03, 2004

I debated with myself whether or not to say what is on my heart or publish my completed post on Aristotle and Realism. I want to do justice to my previous post, rather than just leave it hanging. I said I wouldn't write on my previous post again. I wouldn't touch on the issue, but I think that there is so much more to be said.

As Christians we work together as a body for the goal of edifying each other and furthering the kingdom. Each of us have seperate roles which display our giftings and our abilities to serve within the body. Our role in interacting with other members of the said body is to encourage and build up. When my arm is itchy because I have a mosquito bite I use my hand to help ease the annoying itch. When I am cold, my hands are used to rub the coldness away. When one part of the body suffers we are to suffer along with it. When it weeps, we weep; when it laughs, we laugh. We are to carry each others burdens, not as though they are our own, but as though we are helping the other member. I am not strong enough to carry my sickness alone, whatever you are carrying may be to heavy a load, to much of a burden to carry by yourself. We need others who can help carry it with us.

I exort you to make yourself known to your fellow brothers and sisters, tell them that you will support them in whatever it may be. In my previous post it talks about cancer. Do we really think that cancer victims can carry that load? I think not. Many other diseases and illnesses leave the victim feeling extremely alone in their sufferings; it makes them feel helpless, powerless and often a burden to those surrounding them. I know, I am there. It is time we do our share in encouraging one another and building them up, and I am speaking to myself here as well.

If you know someone who is depressed today, take their hand and weep with them, hold them, let them pour out their all to you, and take it to Jesus. If you know someone who is hanging on to life by a thread, offer support, cry with them, lead them to the foot of the cross. Minister to them the way Jesus has ministered to you in your own pains. If someone you know is celebrating the birth of a child, laugh and rejoice with them, don't not support because you feel that you might be in the way, or that you might be stepping on their toes. You are not, not at all. We are created as relational beings, each of us with seperate personalities and uniquenesses that lend to our reaching out.

If you need support, climb on my back and we will do it together. If you can't down another can of ensure, I will do it with you. If all you can do is cry and ask why, I will cry with you. Don't ever be afraid to ask for support, don't ever be afraid to lend support. Don't be afraid to call that friend in the middle of the night and say, I can't do it, help me. You may have exactly what they are looking for, you may have that word that keeps them from falling off the edge. Reach out, take the hand of someone that you know who needs support.