Rhapsody in Black

Designed to Make You Feel Like the Sane One

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Harder to Breathe
I really like the band Maroon 5 (they make me happy). I just like them, that's all, no big speel about why I like them. I will include some lyrics here in a minute.
Tomorrow is shopping day. I have made a few personal goals and have tried to meet them, haven't really succeeded, but I've tried. If I am correct it is Pavlov who created the theory where you are rewarded for doing something right, and punished for doing something wrong.
So My Lists of Rewards:
1. Angels in America DVD
2. Hoddie from American Eagle Outfitters
3. Another pair or glow in the dark long underwear

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I am walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
.:Maroon 5:.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Coffee Time
*grandparents came to visit
*stupid coffee machines leaked all over me, I smell very cafienated right now.
*old ladies are very cute, I had a conversation with one of the regulars about cats, she comes to visit me everyday. Today was her Iced Cappuccino day (Friday will be the Chocolate milkshake day)
*Chai tea is simply amazing
*I really love my grandparents
Oh on a serious note: my step grandmother's daughter's boyfriend (also my mechanic) has to go in for a serious lymph node surgery this week, keep him in your prayers.
Another Erica Quote: "I wore less clothes especially for you today" (the last time this guy came in to get an iced cappuccino it spilled on my clothes and he said I would have to do something about that). None of this was perverted at all, but my quote...definitely a reason for Freud to rejoice.
Later on this Evening
I did the dumbest thing today. I work nights somewhere other than the coffee shop, and I usually go for a walk on my break with my friend. Today I got distracted and walked right into a street lamp pole. My head really hurts now
Alright, so I will post a bit of cheeriness today. I will probably include a few lists as I find that making them leaves me feeling happy and content (really I am not a Type A). The weather has been beautiful lately, and when I go for my morning jogs I find myself wanting to go a bit further just to be outside. Hopefully this year it won't snow. Right, I don't think so. I did laundry this morning and the smell of fabric softener is wafting through the lower part of my house, that smell makes me happy. I will be going into the coffee shop in a few hours and thinking of the smell of the iced cappuccino that will spill all over me makes me happy. Another thing is people seem to like me there, my tips are increasing. Maybe Craig will have my Will Farrell stuff downloaded so I can watch funniness at work, that makes me happy.
Today is Hump Day, that really means nothing. However tomorrow is pay stub Thursday and I will find out how much I made so that I can buy the Angels in America DVD. It has Meryl Streep, I will buy anything with Meryl Streep in it.
I found some interesting news (Shar, don't worry I won't mention the beets) the planet Venus is 480 degrees C (and I was thinking, no wonder women are from Venus, that's hot).
Carrie-a 10 Things quote: "I am more then a fan of Shakespeare, we're involved"
and Erica quote last night in conversation with Scott "when someone slips you their tongue, slips yours back" <-- that is definitely quote board worthy.

List of Top Movies:
1. The Hours
2. One True Thing
3. American Beauty
4. 50 First Dates
5. Angels in America
6. Beauty and the Beast
7. Girl With the Pearl Earring
8. Virgin Suicides (Scott, I had to watch it sans you, I am sorry).
9. Shakespeare in Love
10. Taming of the Shrew (with Liz Taylor)

Music in my cd player:
1. Box Car Racers
2. my new worship cd-"when tears fall" or "I've Had Questions" (duh, I forget the title...)
3. Vivaldi
4. Sixpence None the Richer
5. Orfeo ed Euridice (an Opera)
6. Natalie Merchant

This song is on my new worship cd, and my worship band plays it at church, it is so nice...actually maybe I Will include two songs (if you're lucky).
Beautiful One
Wonder so wonderful is your unfailing love,
Your cross has spoken mercy over me.
No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
No heart can fully know,
How glorious, how beautiful you are.

Beautiful One, I love
Beautiful One, I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing.

Powerful, so powerful Your glory fills the skies,
Your mighty works displayed for al to see.
The beauty of Your majesty awakes my heart to sing,
How marvelous, how wonderful You are

You've opened my eyes to you wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love,
Cause nothing on earth is as beautiful as You.

Beautiful One, I love
Beautiful One, I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing.

Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be you name, in the land that is plentiful,
Where Your streams of abundance flow;
Belssed be Your name
And blessed be your name, when I'm found in the desert place,
Though I walk through the wilderness
Belssed be Your name.

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise,
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say,

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name.

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's all "as it can be",
Blessed be your name
And blessed be your name on the road marked iwth suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be your name.

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise,
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say,

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say,
Blessed be Your name.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Deliverance and Friendship
There are many things that are going on in my head right now. I feel good today. I made some goals, no progress, but the thought of the future is slightly warming. This journey, this battle has been fought alone. There is an understanding that youcan't understand what is going on. Does that make sense? You may have said "oh, why are you doing this, I mean you have nothing to worry about". That is the stupidest thing you have ever told me. What is going on is far beyond what you can see. It has nothing to do with how my pants actually fit. It has to do with a mentality that your pretty words cannot change. I understand your ignorance, and your lack of knowledge in this area, and I forgive you. Just don't say pretty things that you think will make things better. "oh Erica, don't be silly" doesn't change the thoughts in my head, not at all.
My friend has done the greatest thing for me, and I am floored. He pointed out the passage of scripture that talks about carrying each others burdens and when someone weeps, we weep with them etc. Although he has no idea what goes on in my head--has told me that this next part of the journey I will not have to fight alone, whether that be digression or remission.
I have been in sentimental moods lately, moods where nostalgia is enveloping. I think my sleeping patterns have a lot to do with it. Whatever.

Monday, September 20, 2004

This One's For You
Before I begin, my friend Kevin pointed out a very interesting thing. If you noticed certain words on my blog such as 'bed' 'sex' 'internet' 'analyst' 'mba' etc. have been highlighted as a link. This is due to some stupid search miracle thing. Please do not click on those links. I am not sure what happens...just ignore them, and don't think I am some pervert that likes linking to Sex">sex, and Bed">beds or anything. (uh see what I mean)

Carrie, I heard a few quotes today and thought of you:
"ahh black panties
What does that mean?
She wants to have Sex">sex someday"

"Kissing is not the reason I am up to my elbows in placenta everyday"

And this is for you Sarah, I tried it once again...(drum roll please)

Sunday, September 19, 2004

I Know the Thoughts...
my finger just started bleeding, bloody finger-why now?
I just made plans to go back and visit RUC (Redeemer University-for those of you who are out of the loop). I am uber excited about this. There are so many people that I haven't seen for months. My fault sort of, I was in Burlington once and could have popped over to see Mr. I-Don't-Want-To-Be-Pounced and I think I did have a movie date to see Shrek 2 with Peanut (do we still call her Peanut?...it's been so long). I did get to see Marleen Jellybean a lot over the summer, just because we were in the right place at the right time, and not because she lives two minutes from my house (or do I live two minutes from her house? I forget). I also was attacked by Kate in Limeridge. I would like to replay this...I was in Campus Crew (my second favourite store) looking at some tee shirts with my mom. Digression: I shop with my mother often because she has the best judgement of how my butt looks in pants...I don't trust my friends...heh. End. When my mother looked away and I hear "ERICA!!!!!!!" and suddenly a person has flung themselves onto my back. It was Kate...we talked about how hot our moms were (oh dear, Freud could have a hay day on that one) and you know, we had a typical Kate and Erica conversation. It was great. And I saw Sarah once was it? Yeah the time I almost forgot to pick you up at 7 A.M. at Tim Horton's. Riiiight. One of us needs to not work for our friendship to work. I figure when we are older you will be on perpetual maternity leave (seeing as you are marrying a Dutchman) so, things will be better in a few years. And I saw Carrie, who had to wear a Moosehead on her birthday. Did we take pictures of that by the way? The look on her face was priceless, little did the waitress know, but we were celebrating my birthday as well...*phew* no moosehead for me.
I was thinking, with me visiting the place where most of my adult memories have been had I would share a few, and maybe some pictures. Guys if you can think of any memorable RUC moments, please share :)
#1 Finding out I had a twin. First year, semester one: I was sitting in the cafeteria going over my schedule for the upcoming day when I was pounced on by some freak, yes he is a freak I can have anyone attest to that. Hey started laughing about something and kept calling me Sarah. I was like "dude, I think you are mistaking me for someone else". First year, semester two: some girl "so like I got this guitar pick from a jars of clay concert..."
me: *yawn* "oh that's nice"
freak who pounced on me: "hey, this is that girl that looks like you, you two confuse me all the time"
we've been friends ever since.
#2 Flying with Hannah....enough said. My hip bones still make funny noises sometimes.
#3 Secret Santa- why did I always end up getting thongs?
#4 My car, which consisted of two van bench seats in the back hallway...buckle up!
#5 french class, everytime I went there I swear I felt like I was having a heart attack.
#6 sleepovers with the girls-"don't lift up the blanket"
#7 "Ack, I peed out my knowledge" -on of my theories
#8 doing the Philmont walk
#9 Grabbing Kate's butt right infront of her professor and proceeding to say "oh crap I just grabbed Kate's butt right infront of Norman"
#10 leaving chapel after the singing
#11 the g-spot-we had our moments, eh sarah...even after we got divorced. Ummm, well that sentance didn't turn out to sound anything like it really means. (this study spot was named for a broken g-string...on a guitar)
#12 skipping in the rain, in the quad at redeemer with Carrie...in full view of the whole flipping school
#13 pole dancing
#14 jammin' with the band- a group of very talented musicians I might add
#15 going to Australia with Kate (remember the airport on the way home...the thing that got stuck in your luggage)
#16 the light sabre that Kate gave me, along with oil and hand cuffs. I am still embarrassed.
#17 freudian slips, made by all
#18 poutine
#19 learning about a certain double digit number in the 60's, in the washroom with Kate. A conversation overheard by a professor of mine who never let me live that moment down.
#20 Kate running down a student packed hallway picking me up and spinning me...a daily occurance...weird, I know.
And here are a few pictures of my memories:

Kate and Jenna-Belle :) Posted by Hello

Parliament Hill, Ottawa Posted by Hello

My favourite Portuguese Castle Posted by Hello

my fat princess cat Posted by Hello

A Final Redeemer Memory Posted by Hello