Rhapsody in Black

Designed to Make You Feel Like the Sane One

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I have recently submitted a paper to Dr. Loney for Medieval Literature (ENG 341). My topic was titled "Two Women, One Story: The Revelatory Works of God Through Writing." I poured my heart and soul into that paper for the past few months, trying to come up with a way that would honour and possibly do justice to Margery Kempe and Dame Julian of Norwich. However my attempt did not go exactly as planned. There has not been adequate enough information on these extraodinary women; but most of what is known about their lives is only shown through their writings. Kempe couldn't write, her information was scribed by a priest, and Dame Julian was a recluse, yet each of these women had this unique gift of receiving special revelation from God. Their respective lives captivated me as I researched their trials, misfortunes, and close knit relationship with the One who breathed life into them. Their love for God was so clearly displayed in their desires to serve Him. They were slandered and said to have been possessed by demons, yet they still kept pursuing the Lord. Dame Julian, even in terrible illness wished she could live longer so that she may know and love God more. That struck me. How could someone on their deathbed wish to suffer longer so that they may learn to love Jesus more. I guess in a sense that is what Jesus did for us. He endured the suffering of the cross out of everlasting love for us.
As we are quickly approaching the Easter season, I am struggling with the condition of my own heart, and my own relationship with Jesus. Am I willing to suffer persecution in Jesus name out of my love for Him? Am I willing to be slandered and still continue on pursuing Him? Am I willing to give up all for the sake of what He has already given up for me? I feel as though I have no choice but to because of what He has suffered for me, but in His loving compassion He has given me the choice. He sacrificed His life for me so that I could enter into a covenant relationship with Him, and is still giving me the choice to give my everything for the sake of the cross or just walk away and become a lukewarm Christian.
My question to you today: is your heart right with Jesus. I know mine is not. There is an old evangelistic tool that asks: if you were to die today, do you know where you will spend eternity? I know where I will spend eternity, you may as well. But am I ready to meet my Savious face to face and will He say "Well done, my good and faithful servant"? I challenge you to examine your own heart, as I am mine. Are we as Christians acting as we should? Are we saying things to each other that build up, or put down? Are we treating people in the manner that Jesus commands us?

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Dear Anonymous Commentor

I am sure you are aware of the BPD recovery system. I am assuming this is where you generate all your internet advice. You may want to heed these Five steps that Mr. Miguel Ruiz has also posted: and he says, "dont be upset if you can't master them right away"....or in your case, period.

1. He says: Stop / HALT
Just stop and breathe for a moment. Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? The HALT feelings are physically-based and only temporary. Remember that!
God says: Matthew 11:28-30 " COme unto me all you that labour, and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me. For I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

2. He says: Determine what the problem is
Sure there can be (and usually ARE) more than just *one* problem but even still, write the problem(s) down on a piece of paper.
God says: Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts higher than your thoughts"

3.He says: Come up with THREE possible courses of action
Start with one of your problems and come up with three (and only three - not a hundred, not just one) possible things you could do.
1 PEter 5:7 "Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you"

4. He says: Figure out which one is best for now
You don't have to make a lifelong commitment right now and if things don't work out quite the way you'd hoped they would, you can work the steps again and again and again - just like everyone else does!
God says: Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways include Him and he will direct your path.

5. He says: DO IT!
I say that assuming you haven't chosen suicide. Obviously, that's the ultimate final solution (assuming you'd succeed). Nothing will happen to change the situation/problem until you actually DO something, no matter how small.
God says: Jeremiah 32:17 "Oh Lord God, behold you have made the heavens and earth by Your great power, and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for you.
It is a shame that you have to take advice from a shaman (a man of witchcraft). My advice to you "Closer than I think" is get into the Bible.
You are obviously suffered many hurts in your life, and God wants to heal that and make you whole. I can identify with that, as I grew up as a hurting person and only my relationship with God has made me whole. The devil puts thoughts in your head and convinces you that they are your own thoughts and tried to keep you in your hurts and pain. But Jesus bore your grief and your sorrow when He spoke your name on the cross. He didn't do that so that we would stay wounded and hurting. He is the only one that can help, but the choice is up to us. We all have to come to the decision to give Him our life and do it His way. Jesus had to go to the cross and what kept Him there was not the nails, it was his love for you. He saw what happened to you and what they did to you and how the enemy would want to keep you bound in your pain. The only way to set you free was to pay the price for your sin and mine and theirs. He bids us to cling to Him for dear life. And promises to make it better if we believe what he says. Believing is a choice, we all have to make it. No one can make that choice for you. It has to be uniquely your own.

John 14: 6 I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father but by Me. (Jesus said).Since Jesus is the truth, let Him renew your mind with what He has to say.

I'd also like to point out that your generated advice comments are from bpdrecovery.com, which in fact states that you may deal with borderline personality disorder. It doesn't take a master mind to figure out who you are. You are the person that laughs histerically to yourself, when no one is with you. You've just verified what I have always suspected.
My final advice to you is to seek Godly counsel before it is too late. You already know that you are just hanging in there. You can laugh about me anytime you want at work, or anywhere, but we will be praying for you. God Bless, and please seek help.

My Deepest Concern, and all around Sympathies. The only thing that helped me was my close relationship with God. Trust Him, He has an unfailing love for you and He wants to help. He said so on the cross. You are Jane.

Monday, March 15, 2004

I haven't blogged in a while. There have been so many things going on in my life that I just had to put this on the back burner for a while. I have enjoyed the feedback on my last blog, and didn't realize how much of a (what's the word) "commotion" it would cause. I also didn't realize how passionate I was on such subjects until I really examined my heart and life. I have a lot more to say I just need adequate time to say it in or else the meaning may be twisted.
I went to church last night and had an amazing (I don't want to say experinece) epiphany.....or something. I really want to share that as well. It kind of ties into the whole self image, how we view ourselves and how God sees us kind of thing. Like I said, I just need a nice amount of time to write it in. Maybe tonight.
Thanks so much for the feedback to everyone who commented on the last entry, I greatly appreciate it, it was all very helpful. :)