Rhapsody in Black

Designed to Make You Feel Like the Sane One

Saturday, January 17, 2004

I would just like to state before you read any furthur, that the English major in me and I are fighting at the moment. Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors.
I went out tonight and watched Chasing Liberty. A cute film featuring a bunch of actors that I don't know. It was quite the change from being locked (not literally) in a school for say....10 hours a day doing school work and having to focus on being smart, as well as not acquiring a headache. I don't usually find movie theatres that relaxing, but today I did. It was just nice to be "away" from the real world.
exhaustion takes over, will it someday be over
As probably many of you know, I have been going through a serious career planning change. What I had in my mind right before I started Redeemer is not what is in my heart as I am finishing. I had this huge...HUGE dream at the beginning to travel the world, go to remote places in Africa and help where I was needed with the skills I had. As I finish my last "technical" semester at Redeemer I feel that what is in my heart is elsewhere. I first changed my degree program to include an English major, and then a history major with the hopes of going to teachers college. I thought...oh I'd be the perfect highschool English teacher...preppy look...still a tad young (let my digress for a sec....I HATE BEING YOUNG)...end of digression. And now, I am lost. Alittle scared, yes. I feel that I don't want to be a teacher anymore. My selfish motives have taken over and I want to go to school to get a degree so that I may one day escape. I love escaping, being behind things (that is why I play the piano), but now I want to pack my camera, a nice pen (not a bic one....they just don't do the trick), lots of paper, and some clothes and move to a mountain cave in Tibet. I hear it can get cold there, but that does not worry me. I just want to be alone. Just once in my life. I have it all planned out....take some pictures, write about them, send them to National Geographic....I can just see it now.
these wounds won't seem to heal, there's just too much that time cannot erase
I would just like to state before you read any furthur, that the English major in me and I are fighting at the moment. Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors.
I went out tonight and watched Chasing Liberty. A cute film featuring a bunch of actors that I don't know. It was quite the change from being locked (not literally) in a school for say....10 hours a day doing school work and having to focus on being smart, as well as not acquiring a headache. I don't usually find movie theatres that relaxing, but today I did. It was just nice to be "away" from the real world.
exhaustion takes over, will it someday be over
As probably many of you know, I have been going through a serious career planning change. What I had in my mind right before I started Redeemer is not what is in my heart as I am finishing. I had this huge...HUGE dream at the beginning to travel the world, go to remote places in Africa and help where I was needed with the skills I had. As I finish my last "technical" semester at Redeemer I feel that what is in my heart is elsewhere. I first changed my degree program to include an English major, and then a history major with the hopes of going to teachers college. I thought...oh I'd be the perfect highschool English teacher...preppy look...still a tad young (let my digress for a sec....I HATE BEING YOUNG)...end of digression. And now, I am lost. Alittle scared, yes. I feel that I don't want to be a teacher anymore. My selfish motives have taken over and I want to go to school to get a degree so that I may one day escape. I love escaping, being behind things (that is why I play the piano), but now I want to pack my camera, a nice pen (not a bic one....they just don't do the trick), lots of paper, and some clothes and move to a mountain cave in Tibet. I hear it can get cold there, but that does not worry me. I just want to be alone. Just once in my life. I have it all planned out....take some pictures, write about them, send them to National Geographic....I can just see it now.
these wounds won't seem to heal, there's just too much that time cannot erase

Friday, January 16, 2004

Go
hold on you said, and I held on
lay down your sweet head
and I laid it down

I said tell me all you have seen
and you gave of your life
to bring out my dreams

now I need hope and faith
and the goodness of grace
and I need you to let me go
my way

time passed things changed
now I am grown but I'll hold his hand
and we'll grow old

we'll need hope and faith
and the goodness of grace
and we'll need you to let us go
our way

you taught me so much
you live in my eyes
I carry your blood inside
that will never change
2003 PLUMB

hey all, welcome to my blog. I decided that writing a blog would be...semi good therapy. Somthing I could turn to on those stressful days when I don't want to talk, but things need to be said or emotions need to be expressed. Feel free to add your comments in the comment box (wherever that may be)